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Uh, I've been meaning to tell you....

July 17, 2011, at 09:07 PM

One potential hot topic that many multiples will find helpful to put on their agenda for one or more meetings is the topic of gender identity and sexual orientation -- especially if you have residents who are a different gender than your body. I call these residents "cross-gendered residents" for lack of a better term for them. Their gender is different than your body. These residents may have sexual desires and attractions that pose a problem on one level or another for your system or for your social environment.

This is a very common issue for multiples. Short of every resident whose gender does not match the body being asexual, their attractions can cause disagreements on behavior and attraction issues:

If you're in a female body:

  • A male resident acting on an attraction to a woman is a heterosexual resident putting your body in a homosexual position. This can compromise your system in a public way.
  • A male resident acting on an attraction to a man is a homosexual resident putting your body in a heterosexual position. This may cause internal conflicts for your system.

If you're in a male body:

  • A female resident acting on an attraction to a man is a heterosexual resident putting your body in a homosexual position. This may cause external conflicts for your system.
  • A female resident acting on an attraction to a woman is a homosexual resident putting your body in a heterosexual position. Again, this may cause internal conflicts.

And in all cases, it may cause problems being truly deeply intimate because your partner may or may not know the perceived gender of the person they're having a relationship with.

It is up to your system to work out how these different potential relationship types do or do not affect your system. You may have some residents who are apathetic to this issue, others who are adamantly opposed to certain types of interactions, and it may or may not be fair to your cross-gendered residents to impose restrictions on their behavior when you aren't imposing restrictions on others.

Note that residents who are restricted without their permission are more likely to act out against the house rules. You may need to find ways to get their agreement if your system decides that certain activities would violate the group's rules. However this should be a decision made by the group as a whole, not by one or two residents on either side of the potential argument.

On a general FYI, if you find that your system cannot make up their mind on a single physical person to be attracted to, and you're going to act on attractions to separate physical people in one way or another, you may want to look into polyamory, which is advocacy for responsible non-monogamy.

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