This article is always in tweak/development mode, but it's more advanced now than the podcast episode on the topic: Panic Reactions: 8 Important F-Words (012) New.

This article is analyzing appropriate reactions to panic-worthy situations (PWS), and will mention how we carry these panic reactions with us outside of the actual situation in itself.

What are Panic Reactions?

Life is full of panic-worthy situations. All living things have defensive measures they take when something adverse happens to them. Plants secrete resins, some animals have defensive poisons, some attack, some freeze, etc. Some plants and animals have defense mechanisms that are always engaged, such as thorns on bramble bushes to protect their berries, or chameleons blending in with the background. Others only react to a panic situation with a defense after the situation begins.

Not every situation elicits the same defense. Various species have developed a "menu" of reactions to choose from. A lion may attack or retreat. Animals may "play dead" when hurt or just as a result of a threat.

We (Crisses) have identified a minimum of 8 panic reactions. These are Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn, Follow, Fortify, Fabricate and Facilitate. The generally recognized ones are Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn, Follow. We have added 3 to the list, and there may well be others. We describe each of them below.

Usually the Fight/Flight and Freeze/Flop reactions are thought to be purely physiological responses where other responses (such as Fortify) are thought to be more complex not-purely-physical reactions. In a reductionist sense, perhaps Fortify is a modified Fight response. There has been some study, for example, of the Fawn response and they set it apart from the purely autonomic responses. One day they may change their mind about it. We think Fawn is a panic response affected by oxytocin. Time will tell what they think of this topic.

How do Panic Reactions happen?

Generally speaking we don't choose our reaction to a panic-worthy situation (PWS). These reactions are programmed into our subconscious and not really part of our frontal cortex. When our body (usually brain) becomes alerted to a PWS, it will engage a special range of chemical and hormonal reactions to them that changes our metabolism and primes our body and brain for certain sets of responses.

For an in-depth discussion of panic states please see the conference session on Better Spoons: Passion & Presence as a Daily Energy Source by The Crisses.

Training and desensitization can help people avoid this innate chemical reaction and maintain more control over their responses during a PWS (see the Facilitate reaction, below). So what is or is not a PWS may vary between individuals. A fire fighter is trained not to panic when there's a raging fire. They may still feel fear, but are still able to maintain choices and control their behavior in response to fire.

Where does anxiety, PTSD & C-PTSD come in?

Living in a state of panic outside of PWS is generally not healthy (it has physical repercussions and erodes healing and immune response), but there are times (PWS) when panic-reactions are fully warranted. Our body is attuned to these situations and panic reactions have saved lives and been recorded in our genome in some way. It has been shown in studies of animals that children will carry specific sensitivities to react to related PWS experienced by ancestors with them for several generations.

People living with PTSD and C-PTSD can carry panic states well past the timeframe of a specific PWS. When we have flashbacks and intrusive thoughts, it puts our body into the a state of readiness for panic reactions even when the situation doesn't warrant it. This state is sympathetic nervous system activation or what we call Panic Cycles.

What does ANS activation feel like in the body?

Subjective experiences of autonomic nervous system (ANS) panic reactions can vary from person to person. Panic reactions are characterized by intense fear or discomfort and can manifest in two main ways: hyperarousal and hypoarousal.

These feelings can vary in intensity. The Subjective Units of Disturbance Scale (SUDS) New page describes a 0-10 rating scale for ANS panic experiences.

Here are some examples of how panic reactions may feel in the body, generally dialed up to a 10:

Intense Hyperarousal (Fight or Flight Response) Examples

Intense fear

A sudden and overwhelming sense of fear or impending doom.

Rapid heartbeat

Heart palpitations or a pounding heart, often accompanied by a racing pulse.

Shortness of breath

Difficulty breathing or feeling as if you can't get enough air.

Sweating

Profuse sweating, often accompanied by clammy hands or a sweaty forehead.

Trembling or shaking

Involuntary shaking or trembling, sometimes affecting the whole body.

Chest pain

A sensation of pressure or tightness in the chest, which can be mistaken for a heart attack.

Dizziness or lightheadedness

Feeling faint, unsteady, or as if you might pass out.

Hyperventilation

Rapid breathing, sometimes leading to tingling or numbness in the hands and feet.

Feeling of choking

A sensation of a lump in the throat or difficulty swallowing.

Restlessness

Inability to stay still, a strong urge to flee or escape the current situation.

Intense Hypoarousal (Freeze or Flop - Shutdown Response) Examples

Numbness or detachment

Feeling emotionally detached or disconnected from one's surroundings.

Derealization or depersonalization

Sensation that the world or oneself is not real or unfamiliar.

Slowed heartbeat

A decrease in heart rate, sometimes feeling like the heart is beating too slowly.

Shallow breathing

Breathing becomes shallow and constricted, as if not enough air is being taken in.

Muscle tension

Muscles may feel tense, tight, or rigid, as if preparing for danger.

Feeling paralyzed

Difficulty moving or feeling as if you are physically stuck in one place.

Mental fog or confusion

Difficulty thinking clearly, making decisions, or processing information.

Emotional numbness

Feeling emotionally blunted, unable to experience or express strong emotions.

Sense of impending doom

A vague, persistent feeling that something terrible is about to happen.

Loss of appetite

A decrease in hunger or lack of interest in food.

It's important to note that these are general descriptions of the most intense subjective experiences — individuals may experience a combination of symptoms, and various levels of intensity from 0 to the worst issues imaginable.

Panic reactions can be distressing. Understanding how panic feels in the body can help individuals recognize and manage their own reactions more effectively. This can also help professionals assess the distress level of their client.

These are the physical panic reactions, and there may be additional issues in the body such as flashbacks — see UNSAFE New for more about how the body may respond when panicked.

What determines which Panic Reaction we choose?

Each (plural system member or singular, animal, tree, vegetable, insect, reptile…) system is wired for some preferred defense mechanisms and panic reactions. The panic reactions are generally autonomic nervous system reactions, to a degree, and aren't selected consciously.

Panic Reactions and Plurality

One interesting thing about plurals is that we can cycle through more panic reactions than most singular folk do, as a general rule. So many plural systems try on various panic reactions to try to "solve" their current PWS. Many plurals have C-PTSD, which means that they go through routine or repeated PWS and get many opportunities to test out how different reactions go over and pick the one they believe results in the least trauma for the situation or relieves the most pain or damage.

Some plural systems have repetitive trauma experiences in several domains, locations, or scenarios, which can lead to a far more diverse system with several layers (polyfragmentation, with subsystems and/or groupings of headmates, potentially created around testing reactions to very different scenarios). The more erratic and varied the situations, the more reactions we may have tested in combination with triggers or situations/state dependent memory situations.

This makes more sense when you consider that plural systems have different brain activation "thumbprints" depending on who is fronting. We suspect that science will discover that plural fronts affect DNA activation as well (as seen in physiological changes between whom is fronting); it follows that different fronts will have different autonomic nervous system reactions to any given PWS, and thus a plural system probably reacts differently to each of a variety of PWS by way of activating (triggering) different system members to front depending on the situation.

It is possible that this inherent ability to access many panic reactions drives our having different identities (rather than the different identities driving our different reactions). It depends on how you view human development, and how foundational survival is to identity formation. Consider that since we have the ability to access these different reactions, it's possible our system has cycled through various reactions to repeated PWS to determine which reaction is most successful to avoid further trauma. When a reaction seems to work (ease suffering, shorten the length of a given PWS, or make that PWS cease to happen altogether), that reaction may be selected to be reinforced and kept "on hand" for future PWS.

Panic Reaction as a developmental lens

So at least for trauma-based plural systems, the Panic Reactions may be closely aligned to different types of residents. When you account for the myriad types of PWS and the 8 panic reaction possibilities, you can generate countless residents if you look at formation through a panic reaction lens. Folk with C-PTSD usually have been traumatized in many ways. For example we were traumatized at home, at our sitter's house, at school…and consider our childhood to have been "No safe refuge" — we had very few safe spaces. The resident who handled emotional abuse situations didn't handle physical abuse issues. Even if the panic reaction was the same, the PWS was different, so we ended up with more than one resident attuned to handle different situations in different ways.

This is a very trauma-forward developmental lens, and thus very limited. But as a temporary and limited lens, it still may help with understanding why stuck alters who are still cycling through their own panic reactions or stuck in specific panic reactions behave the way they do. We use it to help us gain more compassion for stuck folk and rebels, to see how their reaction may have helped or served the system at some point — versus how being stuck in that reaction or applying it to other situations may be unhelpful or dysfunctional in the Here & Now New.

The "8" Panic Reactions

Here are the 8 (9…10…wait! ack) panic reactions we have identified and an explanation of how they appear and what types of residents may be based off of them. The first 5 are recognized by psychology, if you dig into literature: Fight, Flight, Freeze, Tend & Befriend (Fawn & Follow respectively).

Fight

This is the classic "fight back" "fight or flight" panic reaction. It may include standing one's ground, defending boundaries, getting angry, being protective, being aggressive or defense only.

Many classically-labeled "protectors" are "fight" types though if you look at this whole list, you can see how everyone in the system is a protector of sorts.

System members who use the Follow panic reaction may also have a good measure of Fight panic reaction as well, so many system "rebels" may be fighters. This means once they're in the Here & Now, and onboard with system agreements they can be very effective protectors and do a great job of defending system boundaries.

Flight

This is the classic running away panic reaction. It does not have to be physical. It can include an individual system member retreating from a situation, and someone else fronting. It can also be part of a system member fleeing (dissociating from) the situation.

Flight can also be seen in any reaction where there are urges for constant movement such as pacing or driving, or an intense need to get out of a specific place. Some folk have to "keep busy" and use flight energy and busy-work to put off dealing with PWS.

Many of the folk in-system who are ill-equipped for confrontation or defense default to this panic reaction. Often when a protector is triggered front in a PWS, there may be a fronter who fled the situation.

Freeze

This is a panic reaction that includes "playing dead", stopping in one's tracks, going catatonic or fetal position. It may also include partial sensory freeze reactions like mutism, going rigid, numbness, being unemotional or deadpan expressions, unresponsive.

This is sometimes seen in stuck traumaholders. In our case, someone even ended up with a name (Ice) based on the reaction.

Fawn

"Fawn" is a reaction to take care of someone else. It's cited as a mixture of panic and oxytocin, the bonding hormone.

For example someone can play up to an abuser ("If I'm an asset, or a better person, then they'll ignore me." or "They're strong, maybe they will protect me as long as I can stay on their good side."). They become a caretaker for them in an attempt to placate them, win favor, and to be an asset to them so they won't target the headmate. This is also reflected in Stockholm Syndrome.

This also typically comes with taking care of external (or internal) children (the "Tend" of "Tend & Befriend"). Sometimes you double-down on taking care of the kids to buffer or protect them from traumatic impact.

This panic reaction can be a go-to for caretaker headmates.

Follow

A conformity or "gang member" mentality. Leverages "belongingness" to try to buddy up with the abuser.

"If you can't beat them, join them." This is a panic reaction derived from the idea that an abuser will not attack a mirror image of themself, that the abuser's instinct for "self-preservation" might extend to externals that closely resemble them. So the victim tries to be more like the abuser. It's a valid (like they all are) reaction to a dreadful situation. The victim likely doesn't realize that their behavior is likely to become abusive as a result, and on a subconscious level they're still protecting or serving the system. They usually don't recognize their own patterns of creating trauma.

When anxiety goes up, these headmates may double down into undesirable behaviors even when the abuser is no longer in play because they don't realize the abuser is gone (if they're stuck in the There & Then) or because this has become a part of their identity and personal panic reaction instincts. Easing up on creating more anxiety for these headmates (don't call them names, for example) can help them ease up on the undesirable behavior.

Follow is where "internalized abusers" come in. Abuser introjects, persecutors, and various other system "rebels" may come from this panic reaction.

Also commonly seen in tropes where a villain will have a protégé or underling that mimics them.

Fortify

Build a bigger wall -- hard boundaries, could be internal. Could be walled off from the external world. This stands out from the Freeze reaction in that the person still has feelings, is still potentially aware of the Here & Now, they're just rock solid and hardened, or completely separated from the situation. They have impenetrable boundaries.

Headmates with this reaction may appear to be made of stone, robots, etc. Or they can appear in-system in hard walls, locking themselves in. Can be paired with the Facilitate reaction.

Fabricate

The fabricate reaction is taking any unrealistic view of the PWS. This can be redirection of blame (sometimes to oneself), remaining in denial that the situation is what it is, and any other form of lying to oneself about the severity or existence of a situation. "If I don't acknowledge it, it will go away."

This can also include retreating into fantasy worlds, lying to friends or family about the abuse, strong denial of the situation ("It wasn't really that bad." or "It's not the abuser's fault — I deserved it."), etc.

It creates a great deal of conflict internally when the people you rely on are untrustworthy, so sometimes it's easier to just rewrite reality than realize that you're dependent on abusive or neglectful assholes who are doing a lousy job.

Denier headmates, or some hosts will have a great deal of fabricate reaction to a variety of situations such as lost time, or unreliable family. Also many hosts may fall into denial when they get a diagnosis or someone else tells them about their headmates if they have no co-consciousness.

Facilitate

This reaction is "manage the situation" — often accompanied with emotional detachment, an attempt to stay anchored in what is real and not reacting to it emotionally, delegation, analysis of options, risk management, quick thinking, and putting off any processing or emotionality until after the crisis is over.

This is the reaction to a panic-worthy situation that may look the most "put together" during the situation but still can respond later with PTSD to the panic situation anyhow, and over-analysis of what the "right thing to do" was and guilt or other emotional processing issues that can be had by anyone after a panic-worthy situation subsides. folk with this panic reaction may have a very difficult time asking for help, sharing responsibility, delegating, and take on too much "handling stuff" to handle. "If you want it done right, do it yourself" doesn't know how to strike a good balance with interdependence and partnership.

Some folk have "manager" headmates who may be facilitators. Some protectors are really good at the facilitate reaction.

*New* Fitting

When you cave in to external pressure to conform or fit to someone else's expectations. This is the act of editing yourself to match who externals need you to be, or caving in when they foist their image of you on you and pressure you to match it. This creates something like an "extroject" — an internal format, mask, proto-person who may eventually become a headmate in themselves, but was initially formed by external expectations or needs for you& to conform to an external image of who you& ought to be. This is something like Fabricate at first, but the new reality you are creating is your own identity & personality.

Other candidates

Flop or feint

These could be part of Freeze — or probably were lumped in with freeze initially, but now are considered to be a different and involuntary autonomic system reaction. Rather than stiff, in this case one gets floppy, "fall to pieces" and is another form of playing dead. This can also cover certain dissociative reactions, such as dissociative seizures or non-epileptic seizures. This is thought to be an extreme nervous system response when the nervous system gives up because it believes a painful death is coming, and it will go limp, "play dead" and cause extreme dissociation so that it's not as painful.

Funny

Someone who often tries misdirection from panic/pain/trauma by way of trying to make a joke out of everything. "The world is a joke anyway, why are you taking it so seriously?"

Flocking

"If I blend in and don't stand out, I won't be as likely to be targeted." Similar to follow or fitting but they’re a chameleon and mold to traits of people around them to blend in with the herd. So rather than trying to fit peoples expectations (fitting: “tell me who you want me to be”), they subconsciously take on traits, styles and habits etc of those around them to conform and hide in plain sight. Don't stand out; blend in. A form of copycatting. So for example someone with social anxiety issues might not actually have any particular religious faith intrinsic to oneself but act as a devout religious follower & even participate and volunteer in a religious community to "hide in plain sight."

Fuckit

a form of passive-aggressive rationalization and rejection fairly advanced on the pathway to burnout. "If I can't fit in, if I get exhausted trying, if I feel excluded — why not just say 'fuck it' and walk away." Even though it may ultimately hurt, it hurts more to want it and to not get it, so they may as well stop wanting it. This is the grandchild of flight, but contains a lot of rationalized or reactive despondence — a form of giving up and walking away. In many cases of burnout, people quit their job suddenly, often will move or relocate, take up an entirely new profession, etc. Contrast this with the amnesiac version called dissociative fugue which has some similar features.

Panic-Reactions: Making Things Worse

We routinely caution plural systems against creating more PWS in their system by their own behavior, inside and out. When plurals bully, get angry, punish, name-call, abuse others, punish insiders, vilify or condemn people, etc. it may be interpreted as a panic-worthy situation by insiders and rebels, who then act out more.

Any situation that increases system-wide anxiety will increase individual system members' panic reactions. However, there are some behaviors that may resemble past trauma triggers and thus escalate anxiety or panic reactions rapidly to completely dysfunctional levels.

Such chain reactions can erode internal relationships quickly, escalate anxiety, cut internals off from being able to communicate with each other, and wreck system trust.

Hopefully this makes it clearer how even external cursing or name-calling, excluding headmates, jailing headmates, restricting their access to internal and external resources, punishing them, etc. can create bigger problems for your system.

Making things Better - How do you improve situations like this?

Having better in-system boundaries, and helping folk into the Here & Now New is generally recognized as the best solution for these types of issues. Boundaries between headmates, having an internal reparenting center (see Re-parenting) that has the ability to shield system kids and their caretakers from outside influence, restricting rebel access to front while they're non-cocon or emotionally distraught, finding better ways to handle adversity inside & out (you don't need to defend external boundaries in an aggressive or angry way), etc.

Another thing is being more compassionate and grateful for internals; if there were more compassion perhaps the situation would have gone down differently i.e. more understanding others' positions than taking what they're doing personally. Also, timing out folk while they're out of control is very different than punishing, restricting, or jailing them once they're calmed down.

Where to go from here

Once you understand your headmates in terms of the panic reactions that they may be exhibiting, you can build up more compassion and gratitude for stuck headmates (rebels, traumaholders, etc.) and perhaps work more on building up coconsciousness, or helping them get into the Here & Now New.

Introduction

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) is a genetic disorder that affects the connective tissue in the body, leading to a variety of symptoms such as joint hypermobility, skin elasticity, and tissue fragility. EDS is known to be associated with a range of comorbid conditions, including autonomic dysfunction, chronic pain, and gastrointestinal issues. In recent years, there has been growing awareness of the high prevalence of EDS among individuals with dissociative identity disorder (DID) or who identify as plural, and the impact that this comorbidity can have on their daily lives.

Managing EDS symptoms can be challenging for anyone, but it can be particularly difficult for plurals, so we'll explore the comorbidity of EDS and plurality, and folks can put personal experiences & what works for them as far as ergonomic solutions, accommodations, and assistive technology that can help alleviate the impact of EDS symptoms on daily life. By providing practical solutions, we hope to improve the quality of life for those who are living with these conditions.

(ChatGPT assist for article intro)

Personal Experiences, Modifications & Adaptive Tech - Crisses

Note some of our choices are influenced by other physical issues, and how our hEDS manifests. We also have CIDP (chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy), and cannot tell where one thing ends and the other begins. Our CIDP affects our reflexes, and if it goes into chronic flareups can cause numbness, neurological pain, weakness, loss of balance, loss of ability to stand/walk, and potentially if left untreated may even affect the breathing reflex. We are in remission and have a lot of personal practices around stress and triggers to keep it that way.

Chronic "Growing" Pains

We had bursitis in our knees & hips, was dealing with doctors to check for Marfan's syndrome, and got a diagnosis for a hiatal hernia in 1986. Because of the hernia, they said no more caffeine, and when we stopped the caffeine our pain went from 6-7 down to a very manageable 2-3 most days. We were addicted at the time, and would make mistakes not being sure about what had caffeine, and the pain would tell us.

Can't say whether that was MCAS random sensitivity or if it had any other reason to be associated with joint issues. I'd say investigating what might be causing reactions and trying an elimination diet might be good (doubly so with Crohns).

The other "amazing" thing that helped us with wrist & hand tendonitis issues was B vitamins. We thought it was carpal tunnel, and it was recommended to do 100-600mg B6 a day, and we added a B complex to that whenever we took B6. We started with 100MG and within 2-3 days our wrist & hand pain subsides. Any time we'd get a flare, we managed it ourselves. Our doctors recently poo-pood it (after we were doing this dance for about 25 years) saying "oh, B vitamins reduce inflammation." 👀

So wait — I can choose between other meds & treatments to medicate the issue or reduce inflammation — or just take B vitamins and it goes into (complete!) remission in a couple days, but that is something to ignore and shove aside?

Anyway, no guarantees this would help anyone else. but it makes a HUGE difference for us. We stay off caffeine & take extra B-vits as needed and reduce our symptoms. YMMV.

Sleep Hygiene/Ergonomics

Sleep is a significant “immobile” period of the day, and it may be helpful to take care of ergonomics while asleep. When we had a particularly bad flare in 2021 we improved ergonomics across our whole life.

For sleep we have sleep wrist braces in case we need them. We sleep with our wrists straight since 1994…makes a huge difference for us. The wrist braces for sleep were needed in our 2021 flare where we got particularly bad arthritic pains too.

We got a u-shaped body pillow and now sleep in something of a nest at night. We have found a position that supports our back and pelvis that takes pressure off our shoulder (long time side sleeper, we also ended up with frozen shoulder because our shoulder was dislocating while we were asleep) and off our pelvic joints (SI pains) so we start the day in less pain.

The main point is to keep joints from hyperextending and preventing subluxations/dislocating at night when muscles are more lax.

Low-Impact Core-Building or Full-Body Exercise (gently, when/where possible)

Add to that the benefits of full body gentle low impact exercise. Anything core-building, that doesn't stress joints. Balance board, swimming, flow rope, rowing, etc. We learned the hard way to avoid martial arts that focus on manipulating joints (we took Aikido. Oops! Wrong martial art. We also couldn’t do jumping jacks…and ended up needing surgery due to prolapsed organs. We weren’t diagnosed yet.).

Other low impact stuff is ok too, although be careful about falls (wound healing can be wonky, and who wants to fall anyway?). We like biking, walks, hiking. We can't do jogging or running for much the same reason we can't do jumping jacks. Everyone's body is different, though these issues are known for zebras).

Daily Ergonomic Issues

Our sitting ergonomics are important because we work at a computer much of the day. We use a ball chair the most. That's core-building & posture balance intense choice. Switching from lax posture to active posture is challenging. We have a very large ball so our desktop is at thigh height. We have a foot riser under our desk now (home built), wrist rest, got a new expensive ergonomic mouse (the ContourDesign RollerMouse Pro…very pricy). Monitor height & keyboard height are important. We switched from querty to Dvorak keyboard layout in 2005. No regrets. But we would recommend checking out CharaChord if there's a budget for pricy ergonomic keyboards. We have our eyes on them. Use dictation when possible or needed…we have an Otter.ai account and we use it when we can.

Oh, more ergonomics…we use anti-fatigue puzzle mats in our kitchen. Now we keep them 3 layers deep by the sink and our preferred food prep areas/stove burner…because we are short (5'4) these both help with foot/leg fatigue and give us a little height so there's less arm/shoulder/wrist/hand strain for food prep, washing dishes and cooking. We also always need to wear shoes due to foot joint pain.…we got cork soled sandals for indoors “slippers” (that adds some height too). Makes a big difference especially since we love cooking.

Resources/Research

• Research on mast cells and how they relate to the nervous system

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We are sharing information like this because we think it's very important to have the information here, share it with your treatment team or trauma work buddies, and consider what tools are available out there that might be useful for your health and healing. Being kept in the dark about potential tools for trauma work is not helping our community, and not helping educate our therapists.

Please approach all trauma work with caution. Please do not retraumatize your system in the search for relief!!

For a screen scribble video on this topic see Magic or Memory Reconsolidation? on YouTube.

Introduction

Memory reconsolidation (MR) is the brain/neurological mechanism behind adding new information to something we've already learned, whether it's a new way to open jars, a new route from the store to our house, or a new expectation from formerly triggering situations.

Amongst all the everyday routine or boring things that memory reconsolidation helps us relearn, it's gaining attention as a potent tool for treating conditions related to traumatic experiences, such as PTSD and dissociative identity disorder (DID). Indeed, because it's the only brain mechanism known to rewire trauma responses, it is likely that memory reconsolidation is behind breakthroughs and successes in resolving trauma responses as seen in EMDR, and other forms of therapy. Which is to say that something like EFT or EMDR are silly mumbo jumbo and hand waving, tapping or eye movements until and unless MR takes place — then they're credited as a miracle.

It's not a miracle. This is how all of our bodies re-learn new additional information on something we've already learned. EMDR or EFT are the tools that were invented to try to encourage MR. MR is something we already do. We need to learn how to encourage MR for trauma responses to get these results more reliably.

Encouraging memory reconsolidation for updating or removing trauma responses involves using the nervous system's underlying methods for learning new information in order to change faulty predictions of threat, pain & discomfort that are no longer desirable. When done appropriately, this method modifies threat-activation neural pathways associated with traumatic memories and their associated triggers, without altering the narrative memories themselves.

We (Crisses) will use our coffee trigger as an example. Our emotionally abusive egg donor drank a pot of coffee every day, and we now have a trigger where our brain-body smells coffee and thinks that our egg donor is around so we become hypervigilant.

Competing Neural Paths vs Reconsolidated Neural Paths

Some forms of therapy and self-work involve creating skills and responses — new neural pathways — that we try to choose and make a habit of using instead of falling back on our trauma responses. So for example:

Let's say we have new self-affirmations and chant them to ourselves whenever negative thoughts about ourselves come up, we repeat these new self-affirmations. The intrusive thoughts are still there, but we successfully compete with them. Eventually the intrusive thoughts aren't around as much, and we don't use the affirmations as often — until one day we make a big mistake and a friend gets angry with us. Now we have these intrusive thoughts all over again, the reaction may be too big to calm down with our affirmations, and we've had a relapse into symptoms.

Now let's say that we work on achieving memory reconsolidation with someone and figure out why we have these thoughts, where the predictions are going, we figure out a mismatch that works (AhA!), and repeat the mismatch vs the original prediction a few times and we achieve MR on this particular topic of intrusive thoughts. A few tests and verifications, and it seems they're totally gone for good. There's no upkeep or practice, no forgetting to do something if there's a trigger situation for this topic. Now when we make a big mistake and our friend gets angry — we don't have that old trauma response. We still might feel sad or sorry, and apologize and try to make it up to them. The big difference is that we're approaching the situation without the old trauma responses, so we can be fully present to right the mistake and deal with our friend, instead of being afraid of something coming back from our past to happen again and overreacting.

With MR there's both no upkeep, no habits to form, and there's no relapse. The trauma response has been resolved.

How Memory Reconsolidation Works

When we experience a traumatic event, our brain creates new state-dependent neural pathways to store and process the memory. These pathways can become highly activated when triggered by external stimuli, leading to intense emotional and physical reactions (Panic Reactions New). Through the process of memory reconsolidation, it is possible to modify these threat-signaling neural pathways and reduce or even eliminate the intensity of our reactions to triggers associated with traumatic memories.

Prerequisite: Neural Path Activation

Our nervous system makes a prediction

Memory reconsolidation works by accessing the neural pathway associated with the traumatic memory, without necessarily bringing up the memory itself. All it takes is for that pathway to be activated in the Here & Now. It's notable that what is really being activated is a prediction of something bad about to happen.

Smelling coffee is enough of a trigger, we don't have to remember any specific memories of our egg donor or things that happened after smelling coffee to trigger our nervous system reaction. Being low-level "activated" is sufficient to engage the neural pathway in question. Our body prediction is "When we smell coffee, it means emotional suffering."

Memory reconsolidation can work spontaneously with talk therapy and traditional memory confrontation techniques (digging around in traumatic memories to try to remember what happened), but there is a benefit to keeping the nervous system activation level low when attempting to deliberately reconsolidate memories. Being highly activated can be retraumatizing, and being in panic mode can interfere with calmness and focus that can be helpful for doing memory reconsolidation on purpose.

Thus the recommendation is to attempt memory reconsolidation with a low level of activation, such as a 1-3 on a 0-10 SUDS scale New. This would be mild activation that is very tolerable, and does not impair the client. The client can self-report, visualize, concentrate, listen and hear instructions, etc. at this level of activation where moderate to high activation can interfere with concentration and focus.

Being more activated can still result in memory reconsolidation — and is done with certain techniques at nearly any activation level.

Checking in how the client feels UNSAFE New when activated with the target learning is important both for discovery work (What will be mismatched in the next step?) and for validation as to whether or not the memory reconsolidation was successful. SUDS & UNSAFE can be paired to check in with a client, track progress, and adjust methods as needed.

Open for Learning: the Mismatch

Something is "different" which causes a prediction error

After the pathway is accessed, a mismatch is presented that (when it lands right) introduces a prediction error to the brain/body and the trauma-activation neural pathway is called into question.

Our nervous system opens up the prediction pathway for updating/editing

The prediction error itself is what convinces the body/brain that it needs to learn new information. There are many ways to do this, depending on the client, the trauma, the sensory information in question. The key is there's often a felt Ah-hah! moment or surprise involved.

Let's make something up. Our imaginary ideal therapist knows we want to work on our coffee trigger, so we both dream up a visualization scene: we get a whiff of coffee (therapist opens the K-Cup) and we think the egg donor might be nearby (activation), but then a chocolate colored puppy shows up, and it smells just like coffee (more K-Cup waving), but it's adorable and cute and wants to be held and is warm and wriggly and sweet and licks us and loves us up. When we do this visualization, our brain is like "Woah, dudes, this doesn't make sense! This puppy is the most safe and adorable wriggle-butt ever there's absolutely no way that this coffee smell predicts danger!" No! the smell of coffee predicts this adorable puppy we're going to name 'Mocha'!

Before a deliberate memory reconsolidation session, there's generally a discovery phase to figure out what will be worked on, and what a good potential mismatch is for the client in particular that might help generate a prediction error. However mismatch moments can happen spontaneously in many forms of therapy, or even outside of the therapeutic session.

To really hone in on what to mismatch, it's necessary to figure out how that person is UNSAFE New and to mismatch those sensations in the nervous system. Check out the full list to understand how to better target MR.

They don't result in memory reconsolidation because there's one last necessary step to get these surprise or Ah hah! moments to rewrite new information into the open neural pathway.

Overwriting the Trauma-Activation Response

We repeat the new learning so that the old prediction is now updated

A surprising mismatch or prediction error is enough to open up the trauma nervous system activation pathway — but there's another step. It's not enough to just do this. We need to repeat the learning. Because the first mismatch opens up the pathway for learning, it's repetition or additional information that will be saved. And from what we're learning the learning experience lasts about 4-5 hours (more-or-less).

So first we open up the learning experience, but we still need to provide new information and emotional experiences that contradict the original emotional experiences. This can be journaling, continuing to repeat the mismatch, talking about the realization with others, re-experiencing the visualization, or otherwise affirming "Yes! This is the new information we need to store about this." Then the neural pathway can be modified, leading to a reduction in the intensity of the emotional and physical reactions triggered by the original stimulus.

So we repeat the visualization several more times and write a little story about Mocha, maybe purchase a stuffy to symbolically represent our experience, and even figure out some way to make our puppy plush smell of coffee, even if just for a day or so.

Benefits of Memory Reconsolidation

Memory reconsolidation can be used as a non-invasive method for treating conditions related to traumatic experiences, such as PTSD and DID. Unlike other methods that may involve invasive forms of therapy, memory reconsolidation can be used to modify trauma activation neural pathways associated with traumatic memories without necessarily requiring the patient to confront the memory itself.

Another benefit of memory reconsolidation is that it can lead to long-lasting changes in trauma responses, leading to a reduction in the intensity of reactions to individual traumatic triggers. By engaging in memory reconsolidation, patients may be able to achieve a greater sense of emotional regulation and reduce their reliance on coping mechanisms that may be maladaptive.

Now in this theoretical scenario we can now walk into Starbucks and hang out with friends and we might even decide we like coffee and wonder what we ever did without it. Seems extremely unlikely from where we are now.

Limitations of Memory Reconsolidation

We don't know what we don't know. Some techniques that likely rely on reconsolidation will talk about "aspects" of a traumatic incident and that some testing is needed to figure out whether the trigger is fully gone or not.

So, say for example it's not just Columbian coffee that's a problem for us. It's also French Roast. If we have trained our brain based on Columbian black coffee but say our sense of smell can tell the difference, so we think this is all over, and we walk into Starbucks, and immediately feel we have to flee — not because the Mocha puppy magic is gone, but because we're not only sensitive to Columbian brew, and our brain says "Ok, that's safe but there's still this other one." There was a separate neural pathway for a different type of coffee. Or say cigarettes + coffee — a favorite egg donor combo. Hopefully you get the idea, there can be other "aspects" to the trauma that may need to be worked on separately.

This is why trauma work can be tricky. Sometimes we'll remove one underlying trauma and a bunch of other triggers vanish. Other times we think we have it, and it turns out that we were missing aspects. So if we look at this as an experiment, it can help figure out what's really working or not.

The obligatory fine print:

Memory reconsolidation is not a panacea and may not work for everyone. Patients who have experienced long-term trauma may have more deeply ingrained neural pathways that are harder to modify through the process of memory reconsolidation. Additionally, memory reconsolidation is a relatively new field, and more research may find ways to make it more reliable and predictable.

Another limitation of memory reconsolidation is that it may be tricky to engage in memory reconsolidation on your own. It's kinda harder to surprise yourself. There are ways to do so, but a trained professional can work with you to ensure that you're on the right track and help keep you from retraumatizing yourself, potentially leading to negative outcomes.

Post-Reconsolidation Processing

When we target trauma triggers (implicit autonomic nervous system memories) for memory reconsolidation, we are not processing the cognitive portion of the memory. Memory reconsolidation, when successful, is resolving the panic portion of the memory. Once this is removed, we still may need to process the grief, sadness, or settle ourselves with the memory of what happened. But it will no longer be a flashback, and we will gain an accurate sense of distance from the initial event(s).

Sometimes a traumatic memory is complicated (i.e. "complex trauma" or C-PTSD) and may contain several layers of trauma as well. Reconsolidating a surface trigger or wrapper around trauma can still reveal there's other layers that still need to be processed. Sometimes we get the whole issue, sometimes we find out it's like an onion (but not like an Ogre).

So we may need to process, or we may need to tackle new trauma targets, even after we have success in memory reconsolidation.

In Summary

Memory reconsolidation is a promising area of neurological research and has been shown to be useful for treating conditions related to traumatic experiences. By modifying the neural pathways associated with traumatic memories, clients may be able to achieve greater emotional regulation and reduce their reliance on maladaptive coping mechanisms. It's a new field, but it is being used successfully in practice as well.

How Memory Reconsolidation Works

1. Our nervous system makes a prediction
2. Something is "different" which causes a prediction error
3. Our nervous system opens up the prediction pathway for updating/editing
4. We repeat the new learning so that the old prediction is now updated

This process is repeatable. When these factors are present, old patterns & predictions can be permanently updated with new information.

Where memory reconsolidation isn't achieved in any given attempt, it may be an opportunity to assess other ways to approach the issue in question.

Credits

Written by Crisses with a big boost from ChatGPT to start it off.

Based on the work of Alun Parry (affiliate link) and on work by Bruce Ecker (see below), Alain Brunet & others. Also this pathway/formula is likely the reason why there are inconsistent but verifiable benefits from a bunch of other therapeutic schools. In theory, if we can more reliably evoke these stages, regardless of which techniques or schools of thought are being utilized, then trauma resolution may be more reliable.

More Info

• Helpful video about the brain as a prediction device, prediction error, and how prediction errors lead to new learning - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXDzo1gyBoQ - this is exactly how memory reconsolidation works.
• Much of this is based on: Ecker, B. (2018). Clinical translation of memory reconsolidation research: Therapeutic methodology for transformational change by erasing implicit emotional learnings driving symptom production. International Journal of Neuropsychotherapy, 6 (1), 1–92. doi: 10.12744/ijnpt.2018.0001-0092

One of our many problems is sleeping enough... Sometimes the problem is that there's just not enough hours in a day for all of us to do what we'd like to do. Sometimes the problem is that someone starts thinking in the middle of the night and can't stop. They're too busy thinking -- maybe more than one of us get thinking together about something, and then we're too awake to go back to sleep...so we just get up, take care of whatever we have to so that we can go back to sleep or wait until we get sleepy again. It's rough. We're pretty happy if we get over 6 hrs of sleep a night. Sometimes it's much less. It's a pretty rare occasion that we sleep 8 hours. -- XES

For us non-sleeping can also be caused by a basic distrust of sleep. For some it feels like dying, that letting go and falling over or in. For others we simply don't know who what or where we will wake up as. For some it is considered unnesscary and/or a drug, as if the planetary conciousness wants to shut us down or put us to sleep. Others simply forget how to get there. And yet at least one other there is no difference tween waking and dreaming. That last state leads straight into the loss of surroundings or overlay experience. -- Phoenix/Paradox

For many of us, we stay awake in a state of "hyper-vigilance", as a part of PTSD, as protection against the trauma we experienced, probably at night. We don't dare sleep. -- Forest

Can also be a way to try to avoid switching / loss of control. Probably an ultimately futile way, but sometimes we've gone into vigilance mode over that too. Or to keep dreams away. (Same diff.) -- MaryAlice/Seachild

All of us have things that we would like to do, and we have plans that we would like to accomplish, at least incrementally. Sleep cuts into our naturally limited wakefulness. When two or three of us have to work every day, the rest of us have time to think and debate but when you get right down to it sometimes you need another pair of hands (though we would actually need four or five pairs of hands, and probably eyes also) to carry out tasks or work on things. If we have to cut the amount of sleep the body gets, so be it. We are also very stubborn that way. --The Doctor, of Shards

Insomnia is a common problem for multiples and the reasons may be many --given the circumstances it may be more a curiosity when a multiple conistantly attains normal types and amounts of sleep.

Causes

Causes for insomnia in multiples vary, and here are some notable ones:

Control Issues

Sleep means losing control of oneself -- and someone else may take over. Some multiples have distrust of themselves and their others. If medication is a consideration it is very likely that melatonin is going to be insufficicent -- it doesn't incapacitate the body and the sleep it produces is mainly normal.

Internal Conversations

When the body is less busy, there is more time to review the day or upcoming plans. When frontmost thoughts are quiet, those persons normally in the recesses of the mind may finally be able to make their thoughts known. The internal chatter is disruptive. Meditation and clearing the mind or giving time for a stream-of-consciousness journal may help with this type of insomnia. Also purposely using these times while trying to fall asleep to hold internal meetings may be helpful.

Chemical Imbalances

Melatonin is produced by the body when in dim light and it aids in going to sleep. Try dimming lights to help produce more melatonin naturally.

PTSD - Fear & Anxiety

When something traumatic happens it can result in triggers and sleep, darkness, times of the day, etc. can become triggers. If trauma happened at night it can result in an inability to sleep at night, etc. This may be a serious problem warranting self work at least or possibly external help. Other items listed on this page may help as well.

Busy Mind

If things are left unfinished or you need to make plans for upcoming events, etc. your mind may be too busy to sleep. Try the making lists suggestion below.

Resentment of Sleep

If there are so many people in your system with so much to do, maybe there is resentment towards sleep or the necessity for sleep stealing time from the group. My best suggestion for this problem is better time management skills. Sleep is a necessity and if time is handled more efficiently, the time necessary for sleep can be agreed on as a group, and waking hours can be spent in as balanced and fair a manner as possible.

Repressed Persons Acting Out

In some multiple systems there are persons who -- for whatever reason -- do not come front during the day or are not allowed to come front during the day. Whether they repress themselves or are repressed by the system doesn't matter so much as the fact that they are not given time and the ability to express themselves but they still have a general need to express themselves in some way.

Different Sleep Schedules

If people in your system are waking up at different times of the day, they may also be going to sleep at different times of the night. It's time for an internal meeting and starting to delegate some bedtime tasks to internals. Start waking others up at the time you need to get up, and putting children to bed when it's time to go to sleep. Internal landscapes can be helpful, or just have nurturers read bedtime stories to your littles and tuck them in at night. Remember, it's an internal family in there. You may have to enforce (gently) an internal family bedtime.

Sleep-Aid

In addition to the suggestions above, a multiple may seek additional methods for helping them get sufficient sleep. Note that none of this should be considered medical advice and that you should always seek out information for any conditions you experience that are affecting your health and sanity. Think independently, research your choices, etc. This information is here as a list of items to consider, research, and to consult with the appropriate and knowledgeable authorities with.

Allowing New Sleep

Reframe how you go to sleep. It's a skill of sorts to get out of your own way so that sleep can happen. That said, sleep is an "allow" not a "try". You can't try to sleep. Sleep requires much less effort, it's more like floating in a pool — you can't try, you have to allow. Lean into it.

Assess and Gradually Eliminate Stimulants

If you have problems sleeping consider your overall health and the presence of chemicals you introduce to your system. Smoking and caffiene are stimulants, for example. You should consider cutting down or eliminating them by choosing a wise method of gradual detox and appropriate nutritional supplements to support the body through withdrawal phases.

Meditation

Clearing the mind of thoughts. Grounding. With racing thoughts and not even being grounded in one's body -- how can one sleep? Even slowing down, dimming the lights, breathing slowly and deeply, listening to a meditation tape, etc. can help prepare the mind and body for sleep. It is unreasonable to expect to go from racing around all day to laying still and shutting down for a while.

Journeying

Have an out-of-body experience -- I know that multiples spend a lot of time out-of-body already but maybe it helps to ground later if there is appropriate contrast and the need to be out of body is filled on purpose rather than people having to yank the body-mind around during waking hours? I (Crisses) often fall asleep while out of body -- or maybe only my body falls asleep -- but really THAT is the point right?

Journaling

If people have something to say let them say it -- take the time out for stream-of-consciousness journaling and let them think on paper. Plan a half-hour to hour of journaling before bedtime.

Bedtime Rituals

Take a bath, let worries drain with the water, reduce busy-ness, plan out things to do, make a checklist and make a habit of following it -- once a pattern is established, the pattern itself may become associated with sleep.

Ban Thinking

You can't think yourself to sleep. You can daydream yourself to sleep. It's not a time for plotting, planning, strategizing, logic-ing or thinking. It's not a time for realistic daydreams or thinking about tomorrow. It's a time to say I wonder what it would be like to be a bee that looks like a cat except big wings and pollinates catnip flowers...and visualize it. So work on this as a habit. Ban thinking once you're in bed. Allow "daydreaming", visualizing snuggling with each other in your headspace, or curl up with one of your spirit guides (like our black panther who is warm and fuzzy), close your eyes and go into your imagination. No plotting, no planning, no thinking… and if you forgot something, see the next tip (we keep pen and paper by the bed, jot a note, roll over go back to dreaming-ness).

The Notepad

So many people, so little time! Ideas keep us up and wake us up. Sleeping with pen and notebook is vital for us. Don't research, don't think, don't try to remember while sleeping. Write a note on what needs research, what needs thought or the thing you forgot to do on the pad and check it in the morning. We can jot down reminders and people can sleep better knowing that we have a list of items to look into in the morning. This works for days before a vacation for example, when we lay down and get anxious about items we forgot to pack — we can write them down and pack them in the morning. I find this especially important when there is an important upcoming event, like a trip or if I am giving a class.

Internal Meetings

Laying in the dark and trying to go to sleep can be a good time to meet and greet, air problems, work out solutions and changes, etc. but only if you find these things calming, and need to unpack the day before you can sleep.

Darkness

The body produces sleep-enhancing and inducing chemicals when it is dark. Dim the lights before bedtime, meditate in the dark, make sure the bedroom is dark when you sleep, etc. as long as there is no one afraid of the dark in your system.

::In the case where folks in system are afraid of the dark, dimming the lights may still be possible, with the assistance of night lights both external to the system if y'all can tolerate that, or by having in-system night lights. As with all internal landscape tweaks, the night lights can fit the inner world modalities, such as fireflies, faeries, conventional night lights, etc.

Exercise

A healthy body really does help produce a healthier mind -- the body is more likely to produce the proper sleep-enhancing chemicals after a workout. Plan for 1/2 hr cooldown after exercise and at least another half hour to wind down before you expect to sleep.

Progressive Relaxation

This is a field-tested (literally) method of falling asleep reliably. The issue is that some folk do not do well with getting more in touch with their body. If you do this method, note that you don't have to be fully IN your body to allow your body to release tension. If you have a hard time with this method, perhaps consider visualizing being in your inner world in a cuddle pile with your best protectors, or if you don't have an inner world, picture your protectors surrounding you and that you are safe. Medium article (content notification: it's a military-based method, so there's mention of military situations & terminology)

EFT

If you have triggers associated with time of day, or bedtime rituals, or being asleep, etc. then it's time to work on trigger deprogramming. EFT (the free & at-home method), EMDR (the licensed-therapist method), or ART (accelerated resolution therapy), etc. can be helpful for trigger deprogramming related to going to bed or nighttimes.

Melatonin

In a crunch I found that a single tiny dose of melatonin helped me sleep for a week -- like my body is so wired all the time it forgot how to make the right sleep chemicals. Melatonin is one of the chemicals our bodies are supposed to make when it is dark that helps us sleep -- it is now available as an over-the-counter supplement in the vitamin section of many stores. Read up on dosages, medication interactions and side effects before trying any supplements.

Valerian Root

This is the root of a plant, usually taken in the form of pills of the powder or in tincture form -- it tends to smell bad although cats may like it. It induces unnatural groggyness and cant be used if you need to be vigilant or able to wake up easily (ie not a wise choice for parents). Some multiples find it stimulating rather than sleep-inducing. Approach with caution and research for appropriate dosages, side effects, medication interactions, etc. I have done valerian on a rare basis but did not like waking up feeling messed up, and the difficulty waking in the middle of the night, so I stopped. I also tried valerian to help with sleeping through bad headaches but it didn't help there.

Medications

One might wish to consider medicating the problem. Sleep deprivation is serious and if self-help, natural & folk remedies or over-the-counter meds will not work, it may be wise to seek professional help to determine if prescription cures are warranted.

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Verenigd front boot camp blog

December 10, 2023

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Op zoek naar een goede introductie voor het Verenigd Front Bootcamp? Dan is de aflevering “Introduction to United Front (episode 005)” van de “Many Minds on the Issue podcast” podcast zeker een aanrader.

Meer weten over Verenigd Front als geheel en een stroomschema (met links) met waar deze cursus past in ons gehele aanbod van Verenigd Front.

Dit zijn de Verenigd Front Bootcamp stappen. Lees vooral de beschrijving van het Verenigd Front Bootcamp. New

Let op: de links verwijzen naar engelse artikelen, deze worden zo snel mogelijk vertaald

1. Kunnen we niet allemaal gewoon samen werken? - Als je hoofd een huis was, hoe zou je elkaar dan behandelen?
2. Aannemen, ontslaan en voor jezelf opkomen - in deze tijd ben je zelf je beste casemanager, of dat zou je moeten zijn
3. Is dit therapie? (nee dat is het niet!) - dit een zelf-hulp hulpmiddel die je kan gebruiken met anderen of alleen
4. Veeg alsjeblieft je voeten voor je binnenkomt - herformuleren naar een geen slachtoffer, geen-schuld mentaliteit. Iedereen is welkom!
   • oefening: opnieuw beginnen - van onze gedeelde verblijfplaats (ons hoofd) een fijnere plek om te leven maken
5. Een verantwoordelijke huisgenoot zijn - een verantwoordelijk alter zijn in een niet goed functionerend systeem
6. Bedankt voor het doen van de vaat! - dankbaarheid is enorm krachtig, we nemen de tijd om dankbaar te zijn voor onze metgezellen
7. De badkamer is in de hal de eerste deur links - systeemmap, ontwikkelingen en meer. inclusief oefening
8. Kom terug naar binnen - aantekeningen over de kunst naar binnen te kijken als je front
9. Het probleem met uitersten - omgaan met perfectionisme, uitstelgedrag, en het gebruik van uitersten om onszelf tegen of terug te houden
10. Ga zitten, we moeten praten…. - het idee rond het hebben van interne samenkomsten en vergaderingen, en het gebruik van een aanwezigheidslijst
    • oefening: vergadering - hou je eerste officiABle vergadering, niks groots, het is alleen maar zodat je het een keer gedaan hebt.
    • oefening: contract ondertekenen - volgende vergadering: het maken van een overeenkomst van deelname aan deze cursus
11. Doe altijd de deur op slot als je weggaat - huisregels - het systeem beschermen aan de binnen- en buitenkant
12. Messen met de punt naar beneden in de vaatwasser - huisregels - persoonlijke en interpersoonlijke veiligheidsrisico’s
13. Dat is MIJN shampoo! - huisregels - interne grenzen en respect
14. Hey, er komt iemand langs… - huisregels - de vele verschillende soorten relaties moeten gerespecteerd worden
15. Ijsjes zijn géén recht, ze zijn een privilege - het begrijpen van de behoeften van de "slechteriken" volgens degenen die jonger zijn
16. Het is oké om feest te vieren! - tijd voor een pauze en reflectie
    • Wat denk je van wat vermaak? - Wat doen jullie om jezelf bezig te houden?
17. Kunnen we erover praten? - een paar specifieke opmerkingen rondom innerlijke communicatie en een paar suggesties
18. Je kan me niet dwingen! - het aanmoedigen van anderen om zich te houden aan groeps overeenkomsten
19. Wie heeft mijn geld gestolen? - Hoe om te gaan met overtredingen van de groepsovereenkomst
20. Niet in mijn dagboek lezen! Deel l - meer tips voor het opbouwen van vertrouwen in het systeem
21. Niet in mijn dagboek lezen! Deel ll - voorzorgsmaatregelen voor het opgraven van vergeten herinneringen
22. Maak het je gemakkelijk! Deel l - de basisprincipes rondom de innerlijke wereld
23. Je ziet er echt goed uit vandaag! - de innerlijke wereld en signalen die de communicatie gemakkelijker en beter maken
24. Maak het je gemakkelijk! Deel ll - van een simpele innerlijke wereld naar een gedetailleerde wereld of door een grote innerlijke wereld
25. Het verdelen van de taken - hoe we de taken die we als een systeem hebben en definiëren
26. Je zorgt er altijd voor dat ik te laat ben! - Een paar ideeën rondom het managen van tijd en het bijhouden ervan.
27. Waar ben ik, en hoe laat is het? - over het “verlies van tijd” - wat is het echt?
28. Duw me niet weg - “Het front stelen”. Toch niet de misdaad van de eeuw…
29. We zijn zo blij dat je er bent! - het helpen van gasten die vastzitten terwijl ze mede bewust zijn
30. Is dit een thuis of een gevangenis? - Over het delen van bewustzijn / het front VS het stelen van bewustzijn / het front
31. Vergaderingen, Deel 2 - agendapunten voor een vergadering - een overzicht van bootcamp artikelen
32. Ik heb een cadeautje voor je - Is het wel de moeite waard als je het resultaat niet deelt?
33. Het vuilnis buiten zetten - Meer over “als aan de binnenkant, zo ook aan de buitenkant (en andersom)”
    • Laten we de rommel opruimen - opruimen is zowel een helend als individueel ritueel
    • De stukjes in elkaar zetten - hoe je symbolen gebruikt om interne connecties te maken
34. Prikkeldraad of een simpel wit hekje? - verschillende levels van grenzen en wat ze betekenen
35. Mijn familie komt op bezoek… - Jezelf toestemming geven om een gezondere zelfgekozen familie te hebben
36. De verbouwing - Heb je een innerlijke wereld? Overweeg een nieuwe filosofie om het beter aan te laten sluiten aan wat jullie willen en nodig hebben.
37. De verbouwing: intercom of holodeck? - Of je nou voor subtiel of heel duidelijk wilt, communicatieve grenzen kunnen voor een heleboel problemen zorgen. Hier zijn een aantal tips om innerlijke communicatie te verbeteren
38. Vergaderingen, Deel 3 New - Tips voor het runnen van bijeenkomsten

Let op: de links verwijzen naar engelse artikelen, deze worden zo snel mogelijk vertaald

**NIEUW!** Bekijk deze aflevering van de “Many Minds on the Issue podcast” podcast: “Introduction to United Front (episode 005)”

Welkom bij Verenigd Front Bootcamp: een positieve, proactieve zelfhulp programma voor meervoudige, plurals en systemen.

Let op: De doelgroep voor deze zelfhulp serie is voor trauma genetische of DIS-gediagnosticeerden (of zelf-gediagnosticeerden) systemen. Anderen kunnen dit ook behulpzaam en interessant vinden, maar onthou wel dat dit gestart is in 2011 met systemen als doelgroep.

Ga door naar de Stappen voor de losstaande artikelen New

Stel je voor dat je:

• Jaren kan besparen met je helingsprocess
• dit met of zonder een therapeut of een professioneel team kan doen
• meer bijdragen krijgt van andere alters
• kan stoppen met technieken die jullie je meest pijnlijke ervaringen laten herleven
• zelfvertrouwen, vertrouwen en zelfs liefde voor elkaar kan ontwikkelen
• en het beste van alles, actief kan besluiten wat je vanaf hier wilt doen

Stel je een wereld voor waar het niet echt uitmaakt of je een systeem bent of niet. Je hebt mensen in je hoofd, en ze gaan allemaal goed met elkaar om. Ondanks jullie verschillende ideeën, vaardigheden en interesses, delen jullie een doel en visie voor jullie gedeelde fysieke leven. Jullie gaan ieder zelf die droom na op jullie eigen manier, met je eigen stijl, en je eigen unieke perspectief en gaven, maar toch gaan jullie allemaal in dezelfde richting.

Dat is waar wij zijn. Wij zijn de Crisses, en het heeft ons ongeveer 20 jaar van ons gedeelde leven gekost (vanaf juni 2011) om tot dat punt te komen. We willen niet dat het net zo lang voor jou en de rest van je systeem duurt, dus willen we onze ervaringen en zelfhulp technieken met jullie delen. We willen dat gezond meervoudig zijn binnen handbereik is, en fusie een echte keus is- dan dat het standaard bij noodzaak is omdat alternatieve oplossingen buiten bereik lijken.

Je kan een gevoel van innerlijke gemeenschap creëren, en liefhebben en koesteren- en voor de wat ruigere types een plek waar ze welkom zijn en geaccepteerd worden. Zelf als ze vol blijven houden dat niks ze raakt en ze het allemaal wel best vinden.

Dit programma is voor jullie als:

• het met jullie het grootste deel van de tijd wel oké gaat, maar jullie weten dat jullie het beter moeten doen
• jullie in ieder geval één systeem lid hebben die ervan overtuigd is dat er verandering moet komen
• jullie beter overweg willen kunnen met elkaar, en samen willen werken op een positieve manier aan doelen die jullie met elkaar delen
• jullie ernaar uit zien om de rest van jullie leven met elkaar te delen
• jullie gemotiveerd zijn om het werk dat nodig is te doen en jullie wilskracht willen vergroten door dingen af te krijgen, zelfs op dagen dat je er geen zin in hebt
• jullie om wat voor reden dan ook niet in staat zijn om een therapeut te zien, maar jullie toch wat hulp en sturing willen
• jullie therapie op hadden gegeven omdat het te duur was, of jullie niet het idee hadden dat jullie vooruitgang boekten
• jullie een therapeut hebben die niet gespecialiseerd is in DIS/ Plural (het werkt als een ondersteunend programma voor therapie)
• jullie/je een therapeut bent die op zoek is naar alternatieven en informatie die gespecialiseerd is, maar ook vrolijk, positief en proactief in het werk met een systeem/ plural.

We hebben ideeën - maar jullie zijn degenen die dit moeten doen. We geven jullie de middelen, en jullie moeten toegewijd zijn om dit proces te volgen.*

Soms is het moeilijk te weten waar je moet beginnen, daarom zijn er bootcamp stappen. Voel je vrij om een berichtje achter te laten of ons een mailtje te sturen met vragen.

Start de gratis bootcamp! (Eerste artikel: Kunnen we niet allemaal gewoon samenwerken)
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(Lijst can Bootcamp stappen met beschrijvingen)

Niet geïnteresseerd? Wil je wat anders? Weet je niet zo goed waarom je er bent? Waarom lees je dan niet het Manifest?

Zijn jullie/ ben jij actief in het psychologie veld op welke manier dan ook? Lees dan alsjeblieft “Een speciale opmerking voor therapeuten”..

Coaching opmerking: Als je verantwoordelijk gehouden wilt worden tijdens dit process, er met anderen eraan wilt werken, of niet verantwoordelijk gehouden wordt door een vriend, partner of therapeut,dan ben je misschien geïnteresseerd in groeps-coaching of life-coaching met de Crisses (Criss Itterman) ((link is naar onze coaching website) waar het gebruik van Verenigd Front centraal staat. We bieden regelmatig gratis of bijna-gratis groepssessies aan, en ook een 30-minuten durende voorbeeld sessie zonder verkooppraatje of verplichtingen om door te gaan.

Opmerking: Het merendeel van deze blog was geschreven in juni 2011 als een 30-daagse schrijf challenge (NaBloPoMo) om te helpen met de bekendmaking van het “Verenigd front” zelfhulpboek (Engels), met een paar toevoegingen en aanpassingen in de loop van tijd. ''Verenigd Front is nu een 3-delige bundel die je hier kan vinden en kopen zolang er nog aan de boeken gewerkt wordt.

Shame is one of the more challenging issues for trauma survivors, and affects many people who have C-PTSD very deeply. Please exercise selves-care on this topic, take everything very slowly, and please bring your professional team into the loop if y'all are experiencing shame issues or identify with the issues on this page.

What is "normal" shame?

So we have normal shame — let's maybe call it "today shame" which is fully rooted in something actually happening right now, and pretty time-limited so long as it doesn't trigger additional shame issues. In essence it says, "If others find out, my belongingness may be threatened." Or, others have actually found out, and it's time to make amends or it may affect your relationships.

This shame comes with the message "Oops. I made a mistake; I better fix it." We may be embarrassed, a sibling of shame. Or humiliated. But so long as it's only about what's actually going on in the Here & Now, about this single incident not deep past and other people, then it's "normal" shame. A realistic corrective emotion about something actually happening.

Shame & Human Development

Shame is an emotional reaction developed alongside mobility and language acquisition, typically around 9 months to 3 years old. It's initially an emotional leash that helps parents to alert a child to a mistake before it is deadly, and keeps a child within a certain range of their caregivers. The emotion of shame is tied closely to our need for love & belongingness. Shame tells us that something we have done may go against the rules or violate the ethical boundaries or membership guidelines of those around us, such that we might be expelled from or punished by the community to which we belong, or by those who love & protect us. (see also Social Self-Preservation Theory)

At the earliest age or phase of shame, children start to wander farther from their caregivers, exploring their environment, and as they learn what is OK and what is not OK to do, they develop their first introspective models, before they know why something is wrong to do — "Will doing this get me in trouble?" So a child develops the ability to consider their actions during this time, and judge by past experience whether their choices will be reproached or met with disapproval.

Thus the perceived threat to belongingness adds another dimension to the equation. The child who is reproached or met with disapproval gets frightened at a core existential level (are my supports going to vanish?) — and may be afraid of complete rejection. The appropriate caregiver response to this fear is to comfort the child after correcting a mistake, letting them know that they are forgiven and still are loved or belong to the community. That what they have done is not so egregious an error that they no longer belong or are rejected. This reprimand & reconciliation is part of a child's normal development around shame and helps build a good model of acceptable vs unacceptable behaviors.

Shame & Survival Needs

"Love & Belonging" is a need on Maslow's Hierarchy right above safety & food/clothing/shelter physical needs. It's not really optional — as humans are interdependent beings and we are tribal by nature. Being in a close-knit tribe enhances our ability to survive. Children are born helpless and take a long time to become more independent, thus at minimum — instinctually speaking — need a family or clan unit to thrive. The potential of being exiled or ousted from one's group is thus a threat to survival for a young child.

Shame for children raises panic reactions New for good reasons. It's our internal alarm system for threats that may get us exiled or ousted from our family, clan or tribe.

Raw Shame & Self Isolation

If we do have a fallout with a group, and are ousted, we often have an instinct to hide and collapse in on ourselves, self-isolate, and hide away from people. In terms of the ancient survival brain, it's like we've been exiled or outcast from a group, and have to come to terms with being alone. "I'm going to huddle in my cave with my berries, and try to stay alive." Like we try to make our peace with having lost "all" our supports.

This instinct is based on times long gone. Nowadays we usually have several support groups. Family, online support, friends, distant relatives, coworkers, schoolmates, headmates, etc. And unlike ancient times where relocation alone would be arduous and dangerous, requiring trekking long distances to distant tribes and hoping they would take us in — we have other new groups we can try to belong to very easily now.

Still we may fall into this instinct, and it's good to pay attention when we're trying to isolate ourselves, when we cut contact with people we would normally interact with, when we are sullen and dejected, and go deep inside of our cave. Shame may be lurking in the background, not big roaring shame, not knee-jerk angry reactive shame, but quietly trying to survive in spite of being cut off of supports shame. Even if the loss of supports isn't true, or we have only lost a small percentage of our supports.

Ancient brain only knows 1-tribe that we're almost completely dependent on for survival. And it acts like it.

The best thing to do when tempted to sulk into one's cave (bedroom, blanket fort…) is to reach out to someone and be reassured that you still have supporters and you are not going to have to survive alone.

Toxic Shame

Toxic shame is what we're calling a verbal form of shame we usually get as messages we can't get unstuck from our mind's ear/eye.

This form of shame is one that may be used to manipulate someone — to use power/control over a person's natural shame to leverage it as a tool to gain their compliance. In this case, though, it crosses a line to manipulate people to get what one wants. Bullies use shame as a weapon against children and adults, for example.

When a young child experiences shame, the shame isn't always repaired and reconciled in a healthy way. Some adults shortcut discipline & love (some of the traits proper caregivers or parents should have) by way of power & control instead — and shame allows other people to dictate the rules of love & belonging in a way that shame becomes a stick and belonging becomes the carrot and a child is controlled by deliberate/explicit shaming cycles.

Carried Shame

Then there's carried shame. Much more convoluted but basically when abusers treat a child wrong, they feel their own shame — and the broken boundaries between that adult abuser and the child victim means the child senses the shame and can't figure out what the child did wrong, and becomes something the child feels is inherently wrong with them, that they deserve bad behavior from others because they're inherently unworthy/bad/wrong/tainted/etc.

This acquired or carried shame (carried like a contagion from someone else passing it along) becomes lifelong feelings of insufficiency and something being "wrong with us" — being a bad person, sinful, etc.

To work on carried shame, we have to learn how children are innocent (externally) so we can internalize how children are worthy, lovable, needy, naive, and deserve love/care/attention/protection. We can fully realize and absorb that we were being hurt and the person who OUGHT to feel the shame is the abuser. There was nothing wrong with us or about us that made us deserve being treated foully by our caregivers or other adults.

Hopefully this helps us to mentally/emotionally hand it back. Truly realize we were wronged, we didn't deserve it, that all kids deserve love & care — and we don't want their garbage shame anymore.

More Details

When adult abusers cross the lines of what their tribe/society thinks is "OK" behavior towards children, they repress their own shame about their actions.

And when repressing shame, usually it's covered up by something else. Often anger, sometimes very deep denial or delusions about reality.

Children are highly attuned (via raw empathy — a lack of emotional boundaries, also their Mirror Neuron Network if you're into the more geeky neurology point of view) to their caregivers and other adults in their environment. Not only do they pick up on the shame, they actively absorb it from the caregivers. It becomes something like an introject (and for those who develop DID or are already plural) and can become its own headmate which we call the shameholder — a specific type of traumaholder who is carrying their abuser's shame.

Shame Spirals

This is where an instance of normal or today shame sets off deeper/older shame in our system.

So for example if we make a mistake (drop a glass) and it brings up shame "oops, I made a mistake someone might get mad at me if they find out" this can then bring up toxic shame (instances of being told we're clumsy or incompetent, that we can't do anything right, or that we're a slob or pig, etc.) which in turn may bring up carried shame (feeling like we're a failure, unworthy, wanting to shrink/get small/blink out of existence — which may also trigger selfharm cycles, or sui ideation, etc.).

Essentially it's a regression and emotional flashback feedback loop that activates deeper and deeper levels of shame messages — whether those messages are verbal/auditory/written — or if they're emotional shame messages accidentally gleaned from abusers who violated the social contract of how to care for a child properly.

Dumping Shame

Before we get to the discussion of pride (below) which is perhaps outdated, there's a few ways to work on dumping & eliminating these toxic & carried shame messages in our lives.

At their essence, they all involve rejecting the shame in a visceral believable way as not being ours. Even verbal toxic shame messages are a form of someone else trying to hand us more-than-ordinary amounts of shame for all the wrong reasons. Neither toxic shame nor carried shame is ours to own & hold. Though the messages got stuck in our brain or body, it really comes down to the shame itself becoming stuck-held forms of being traumatized by others. Others who never should have treated anyone that way.

Children are Fundamentally Innocent & Need Caregiving

Abusing Kids is NOT Ok

Everyone is Valid & Worthy of Attention

Shame Work Menu

You definitely don't have to do all of these things, but this is a general list of work that can be done (descriptions pending) for shameholders, shame defenders, or systems that have been affected by shame. It's not a prescription, not the only cures, these are ideas we are taking (mostly) from Bradshaw's Healing the Shame that Binds You as placeholders before we have more information.

While these are listed in a general "order of escalation", it's not a prescription and does not need to be worked through in order, and you don't need all of these ideas. People have been working on shame in myriad ways through the ages, and being perfectionistic about it may complicate shame feelings.

1. Coming out of hiding
2. Choosing Intentional/Safe "Family"
3. Sharing Secrets
4. Feeling feelings
5. Dumping Shame
6. Grieving Losses
7. Acceptance, Welcoming, Belonging
8. Self-love, self-compassion
9. Reparenting inner kids
10. Openly accept & talk about it
11. Paying it forward
12. Accepting your authenticity
13. Empowerment

Old Article

Shame is an instinct or emotional reaction tells us to hide, that it's dangerous to be seen or found out. As such it's a natural instinct gained around the age a child can walk and wander, and makes a child freeze to consider their behavior and what they've done wrong. Natural shame is temporary and healed with proper attention and care from a loving caregiver.

Shame, as a trauma survivor, is an internalized injury from an ego or self-esteem attack. It can happen when a child is made to feel that they are bad, that they are not worthy of being seen. If a child blames themself for something that goes wrong, internalizes it, and is shamed, they feel as if they are not worthy of fitting into their clan, tribe, social network or society. Instinctually this creates a response that to survive (fitting in is an instinctual part of survival) they will have to hide the thing they have been shamed about. That if anyone were to find out how bad or unworthy they are, they would be exiled.

Some might say DID is built on that instinct to hide. That this self-esteem blow could be enough reason that a child can't live with themself and starts to hide the injury even from themself. Internalizing the shame, pushing parts of themself away, the child creates pockets to even hide the shame along with the shameful circumstances. Because being ousted from the support of their tribe is unacceptable. This deep moral injury creates so much conflict it becomes a survival crisis.

As adult survivors, we may develop this deep need to hide, not be seen, and not understand where it comes from. We may act, but feel we are unworthy of attention or love. Hiding can come in many forms, so sometimes it may just help to assume that we have this issue and ask "What am I hiding from?" or "What are we hiding from?" and see what answers arise from it.

The shamed insiders may come paired with protectors and defenders. They may or may not be more accessible than the shamed internal folks.

Ways to address shame include bringing the shame itself into the light. Not necessarily exposing the people, but talking about the fact that the shame is present. Interestingly, this doesn't have to trigger more shame in itself (though it can) because it's not talking about why there's shame; it's not exposing the reason for the shame. Understand that shame is a survival response. There should be no shame in protecting yourselves. Ask yourselves how your shame helps you take care of and protect yourselves.

Another step in dealing with shame is reframing the circumstances more objectively and realistically. If this happened to someone else, would you blame the victim?

Shame is a good situation for recruiting their protector to help take care of the shamed system member. Acknowledging the real blame belongs with the situation or the adults who failed to protect them, dealing with the hurt and traumatized headmate with love and compassion, and helping them to see that they are worthy, and helping them recover from their flashbacks (see Rescue Missions New and our podcast episode about Onboarding Residents).

System-wide, pride is a good foil to shame feelings or a legacy of shame. Those headmates who are able to be prideful can carry the banner of plural, multiple or DID system pride for a while until others are willing to join in. Knowing that you/y'all are valid, that you were a victim, not to blame for what happened, that it's OK to be seen, heard, and loved — are all very important parts of healing the self-esteem and coming out of hiding which are the legacy of this self-esteem injury.

Y'all don't have to go straight from shame to pride. There's plenty of middle ground — healing boundaries, reframing abuse situations and putting the blame on the people or societal structures that disempowered you, or harmed you, and fighting for yourself and others can be helpful milestones on a road between shame and pride.

Shame is a natural emotion. It's a survival instinct, it's adaptive and it's OK to feel shame. Remember that shame is healed by love and compassion, by being understanding, and by putting the responsibility where it belongs and taking responsibility when it really is our fault (but it's not our fault as a child, we mean as an adult).

Sometimes shame is at the heart of self-harm. Balancing out harmful behaviors with new loving behaviors, reaching inwards a little bit at a time to send love and comfort and compassion to the hurt inner child, just a little bit each time, may be able to help.

Going from shame to pride is not a lightswitch. It's more like healing a plant that didn't get enough water. And the answer is love. Sometimes you have to nurse a plant back to health. Dumping water on it and walking away isn't enough. It needs warmth, protection, to be turned towards the light, and cared for.

Consider setting up a re-parenting situation for headmates buried in shame. They need love and to be seen and cared for on a consistent basis over a long period of time.

If you believe a headmate is struggling with shame, and you have a professional team, please bring it up with them if you can. This is a situation where y'all could use a lot of support.

In terms of building pride gradually, the conference session on Plural Activism & Selves-Advocacy talks about going from advocating for each other inside your system and being internal activists through eventually (over time) advocating for yourselves externally and eventually becoming community activists externally — basically the whole journey of standing up for each other internally as individuals through standing up for yourselves individually or as a whole, inside & out.

Why be proud of your& system?

Here's the answer The Crisses gave to someone who was dealing with hopelessness & despair, shame, etc. regarding having DID:

Co-regulation is a tactic or skill for role-modeling being centered and emotionally balanced or regulated so that someone else can come out of panic mode New or being triggered.

We attempt co-regulation by becoming more present New in the Here & Now New so that someone else can find their way there too, and it works with external and internal folks. So it can be helpful if you are panicked to have someone else remain present for you, and you can take a turn practicing presence when they are out of their own control as well.

Being centered, compassionate, patient and present with a “dysregulated other” (person) helps them to modulate their own emotions. When we are more present, it can help restore our ability to think, to trust, to be curious. It also means setting aside judgement. It can help to realize that the person is currently emotionally dysregulated (panicking) and may not mean anything they're saying.

Panic constricts our ability to think and accept new things. Fear causes tunnel vision and racing thoughts, as we're frantically looking to escape or fight.

How is it useful?

Please note, we would not attempt co-regulation (or would stop) if something was likely to escalate into a physically threatening situation.

We can use this skill with pets and other animals such as when dogsitting. Please don't put yourself at risk, however. When we go to a dogsit and a dog is scared, alert-barking or looking to back away from us to escape…we will pay attention to the situation and make a judgement call on what to do. Often, moving slowly, purposefully and patiently, we will stand or sit and wait, sometimes on the floor to make ourselves appear smaller (especially for smaller animals). We don't want to threaten or frighten, or make them feel trapped. We monitor our own emotions, move slowly and purposefully, and maintain our confidence and presence. Pets can tell when we're afraid.

We use this skill in a similar way when we coach or help people who are in a panic, too. We keep our voice level and remain present, alert, breathe slowly, regulate our own emotions.

This is a great skill to use with those we support, friends, partners, children, clients, etc. It has other benefits too — it gives someone space and time to feel their feelings, and also a "way out" of them without escalating the situation.

Why does this work?

We have special neurons (mirror neurons - YouTube explainer video) that may be involved in monitoring the emotions of those around us. These neurons are thought to create special sensory pathways called the mirror neuron network. Studies suggest this area of the nervous system is involved in learning by watching, but it's also possible part of their job is empathy/tuning in to the states of those around us, to help us understand how others feel and perhaps to respond accordingly.

How do we use this information?

Learning to how to leverage co-regulation may involve going against our instinct to match another person's panic level. Learning how to become present and regulate our emotions in spite of someone else's panic state requires some leveling up for some people.

We think it's definitely worth learning how though.

You might know someone who can do this, and be able to learn it by using your experience of their ability as a bar you want to attain.

You may want to look into various presence techniques New to practice getting present, especially around being in this moment, with what's right in front of you. Then the this moment can become this moment with this dysregulated person, and what's right in front of you is what is going on with them at the moment.

Our works around empathy (especially and this article) talk about the difference between “raw” empathy and “skilled” empathy…raw is when we take on other's feelings without boundaries and cannot tell our feels apart from theirs, so if we are using raw empathy the angry yappy dog (who is actually scared under the anger) makes us feel scared. There's a direct line between the state of the dog (or other human) and our own feeling body.

Skilled empathy is restoring broken emotional boundaries (or creating them for the first time). A filter, or permeable boundary between what is me & what are my feelings, versus what is them or their feelings. We want to allow ourselves to detect, feel, know what the other is feeling…but we do not need to be subsumed (overtaken, crowded out) by the feelings of others. Sequestering the feelings of others so we can sense them, but allowing our own feels to grow and persist and manage the amount that the feels of others are mirrored in ourselves so rather than a hall of mirrors or a dance studio mirror, we have more like a compact or hand mirror we can easily control, or choose to put away.

That is skilled empathy. When we control the volume at which we take in the feels of others and learn to regulate it, and thus learn also how to regulate ourselves.