That sounds like a scary situation! Here's things I recommend:
First, have you read the other entries? There are ways to increase compliance, co-awareness, etc. in the entries in this blog.
Find things you can agree on that are acceptable outlets for him. Like going to a laser tag game, or other treats that he can have (intermittently!) as long as he's being a good citizen. That gives him privileges that can be taken away if he misbehaves. If there's nothing good about him being a good citizen, then he'll find ways to be naughty and defiant.
Figure out what his needs are. We all have different needs. Find ways to address his needs -- does he need to have more control? Does he need to feel better protected? (Funny how teens can act out of control because they actually want to have someone else take more control for them...) Try reading some standard articles on out-of-control teens. You never know, you might find things that help.
Ask him whether he'd like to take more responsibility for himself -- if you can communicate with him in some way.
Offer to teach him how to drive (in a parking lot or somewhere safe) if he becomes a better citizen. Put a firm date on when you will teach him. "On X date not to be rescheduled more than 2 weeks later if we can't make that day." and MAKE SURE you keep the date if he is good. But if he takes over while you're driving and violates the traffic rules, then the deal is off.
Those are some of the ideas I've had. Most internals want to be treated like decent people. They need safety, love, respect, trust, etc. to feed them. If they are missing any of those necessary ingredients they act out -- often in ways directly counter to their needs. If he's a very young teen he may not be ready for responsibilities and finding himself in the drivers' seat (literally) might have scared him as much as it scared you! If he's a mid-teen, he's ready to take SOME responsibilities, but too much will make him feel out-of-control (like mowing the lawn vs. driving the car). If he's an older teen, withholding adult-like responsibilities will drive them nuts and make them act out.
Oh, here's a neat idea: Take a drivers' safety class and invite him to watch "over your shoulder"? He might learn something, and you get a discount on your insurance. Might be a nice "group outing".
Feel free to combine suggestions in any way you'd like, but don't make it complicated or you won't follow-up on it.
Crisses
Comment by Crisses on January 30, 2012, at 01:43 PM
Retrieved from https://kinhost.org/Comments/Blog-DontShoveMeAround-20120130T130113
Hi, Kat ^ Travelers,
That sounds like a scary situation! Here's things I recommend:
First, have you read the other entries? There are ways to increase compliance, co-awareness, etc. in the entries in this blog.
Find things you can agree on that are acceptable outlets for him. Like going to a laser tag game, or other treats that he can have (intermittently!) as long as he's being a good citizen. That gives him privileges that can be taken away if he misbehaves. If there's nothing good about him being a good citizen, then he'll find ways to be naughty and defiant.
Figure out what his needs are. We all have different needs. Find ways to address his needs -- does he need to have more control? Does he need to feel better protected? (Funny how teens can act out of control because they actually want to have someone else take more control for them...) Try reading some standard articles on out-of-control teens. You never know, you might find things that help.
Ask him whether he'd like to take more responsibility for himself -- if you can communicate with him in some way.
Offer to teach him how to drive (in a parking lot or somewhere safe) if he becomes a better citizen. Put a firm date on when you will teach him. "On X date not to be rescheduled more than 2 weeks later if we can't make that day." and MAKE SURE you keep the date if he is good. But if he takes over while you're driving and violates the traffic rules, then the deal is off.
Those are some of the ideas I've had. Most internals want to be treated like decent people. They need safety, love, respect, trust, etc. to feed them. If they are missing any of those necessary ingredients they act out -- often in ways directly counter to their needs. If he's a very young teen he may not be ready for responsibilities and finding himself in the drivers' seat (literally) might have scared him as much as it scared you! If he's a mid-teen, he's ready to take SOME responsibilities, but too much will make him feel out-of-control (like mowing the lawn vs. driving the car). If he's an older teen, withholding adult-like responsibilities will drive them nuts and make them act out.
Oh, here's a neat idea: Take a drivers' safety class and invite him to watch "over your shoulder"? He might learn something, and you get a discount on your insurance. Might be a nice "group outing".
Feel free to combine suggestions in any way you'd like, but don't make it complicated or you won't follow-up on it.
Crisses