We'd like to add that, for folks who feel a need to be perfect/the best in order to keep themselves safe, affirming that you can be imperfect and still be safe, loved, and cared for is important. Giving headmates who are "strong/competent/functional" opportunities to not be those things—to be soft, vulnerable, messy—while still being safe, loved, and cared for is important, too.
Perhaps getting off topic, but: Feelings of inadequacy can cause headmates to lash out in an attempt to keep themselves safe, and then dig themselves deeper into the hole when the shame of lashing out (and possibly hurting people internally and/or externally) hits. Affirming that they're still cared about/loved/otherwise safe can stop the lashing out. (Admittedly, this can be hard to do—particularly when boundary and emotional regulation issues interfere—but it does work. At the end of the day, the lashing out is the result of pent-up panic, not actual malice.)
Comment by Double A Batteries on December 28, 2024
We'd like to add that, for folks who feel a need to be perfect/the best in order to keep themselves safe, affirming that you can be imperfect and still be safe, loved, and cared for is important. Giving headmates who are "strong/competent/functional" opportunities to not be those things—to be soft, vulnerable, messy—while still being safe, loved, and cared for is important, too.
Perhaps getting off topic, but: Feelings of inadequacy can cause headmates to lash out in an attempt to keep themselves safe, and then dig themselves deeper into the hole when the shame of lashing out (and possibly hurting people internally and/or externally) hits. Affirming that they're still cared about/loved/otherwise safe can stop the lashing out. (Admittedly, this can be hard to do—particularly when boundary and emotional regulation issues interfere—but it does work. At the end of the day, the lashing out is the result of pent-up panic, not actual malice.)