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Inclusive Plural Support Groups

Note: Page in progress.

See also Peer-Run Group Facilitation Tips New.

These suggestions contain some boilerplate text and considerations for starting & running small (say up to 20 body) support groups for just about any topic (trauma support, trans issues, polyam, etc.) within the plural community.

Trauma Support Group

Sample Plural Trauma Support is a small (up to 20-member) trauma support group for inclusive plurals &/or their traumatized headmates. We do not weigh trauma, so we ask that you apply only if your need is such that you require support for your trauma. Inclusive plurals are anyone who is many (people, parts) within one body, such as people who are multiple, plural, DID, OSDD, some people who hear voices, tulpamancers, etc. so long as they describe the experience as being many and will accept any others who describe their experience as being many regardless of what their beliefs and experiences are.

Specialty example: Otherkin Plural Support Group

Otherkind-Hosts is primarily an Otherkin Plural support email list for exploring different types of multiplicity, and is also appropriate for people who are "one person" who simply want to understand people who have more than one mind/spirit/soul/whatever in them.. Plurals are people who are many inside one body, for any reason. Otherkin are people who believe for any reason that they are not normal humans. Many believe they are other races than human, some believe they are from other worlds. Otherkin Plurals are plural bodies who have one or more internals who identify as otherkn, or plurals whose body as a whole identifies as otherkin. All races and species are welcome: dragon, elf, nymph, satyr, dwarf, gnome, angel, demon, gryphon, sidhe, faerie, fae, merfolk, hobbit, therianthrope, vampire, furry, human, etc.

Decide whether it is a private closed or an open-application membership group

Basically the more deep your group will go with support, the smaller the group should be. A general support group could be around 20 bodies. Consider also that if it's a real-time group, several members within one body may want a chance to talk during a meeting. There should be guidelines about whether a body should be able to take a turn twice in a row or if a facilitator will take a list of names so that folks around the "room" or on the call can take turns speaking.

We will allow only 20 members at a time in this group, to keep the group manageable and limit spoon depletion. We will keep a waiting list and ask people whether they are still looking to join in the order requests are received. Requests to be on the waiting list (are|are not) currently open.

Define Trauma Support

This is a support group for people who are in need of community. Members may be preparing for or going through trauma work with others on their support team or via selves-help or using alternative modalities. It is not a trauma-processing group, and cannot help with emotional or psychological crisis, self-harm or suicidal intentions. Please make sure that you have other team members who can help you with crisis supports, or reach out to hotlines and peer support specialists in your area who can help you. In many areas in the US, you can dial 211 for referrals to local or national hotlines and support services.

Provide as many support hotlines as you feel are needed to help your group members, we aren't trying to be US-centric. We're in the US. Try international resources, or regional if you have a regional group. Also, you can ask group members to help create a list of resources for their own areas and list them with the group rules in case someone in their own system needs them as well.

Creating Starting Guidelines

We are including boilerplate bullet points for some guidelines for support groups within traumatized communities. Please modify these guidelines to suit your style, the culture you want your group to have, and the platform(s) that your group will be utilizing. Some of these ideas will not be suitable for every group, facilitator style, or platform.

There's an amount of "attempt to mitigate issues" in the group guidelines suggested below that can be taken as a starting point to create your own group agreements or rules.

These are just vague suggestions. Rewrite or omit etc. as needed. None of this is meant to be just outright used as-is.

Appropriate Content

  • This is a support group, and off-topic or fluff posts may not be well received.
    • On topic for this list includes all manners of plurality, including psychiatric diagnosis, spiritual plurality, various types of created headmates including tulpas, fictives, etc. and both somatic this-life in-body experiences and traumatic experiences that are entirely founded on subjective experiences and memory.
    • The facilitators will judge whether or not content needs to be culled or whether members need to be redirected to other resources to meet their needs.

Appropriate Behavior

  • This group is partially self-moderating. If you see something which you believe to violate any of these rules, or to be a problem in and of itself, please contact the list facilitators.
  • We ask that non-traumatized system members not post in the group unless it is a meta-discussion (discussing meeting times, external resource sharing, or informing the group about an absence or membership change, etc.).
  • System members who have processed or recovered from trauma may share their own experience only in terms of role-modeling or describing what has worked for themselves in the group, as a mentor-role within the group. This will help save body-spaces in the group for others, but please do not overshare or take significant time in group discussions or go-arounds.
  • For live group time, please allow everyone to get a chance to speak. If someone wants to be put on the wait list for a turn, signal the facilitator who is taking the wait list for turn-taking and they will let you know when it's your turn to speak. Respect if the facilitators jump to someone who has not spoken yet to make sure they get a chance before the support time ends.
  • Constructive criticisms are allowed on this list under some circumstances. They are allowable when respectful, gentle, above-board, and with obvious intent to point out someone's flaws to help them, and not to further your own pursuits or personal prejudices against a person. If you plan to confront someone on an issue, please contact the facilitators to alert them to what you are trying to do if possible. Asking the person's permission to talk to them during the group about it would be helpful as well, if that's at all possible.

Technical Issues

  • If the subject line doesn't reflect the content of a post you're replying to, please change the subject line. This is a courtesy, and helps us keep track of things in the future, and will even help you to see when people are responding to *your* posts.
  • No one-liners. (ie: posts that are extremely short.) Try to consolidate posts (at least within a topic) or replies to a thread into one slightly longer post if you find yourself posting many one-liners. Use reacts or hold of until you can incorporate your reaction into something that expresses something of note to the group as a whole. You can agree, fist-bump, thank, or hug someone after.

Note: above is very important when doing an email list, or when forum design creates excessive scrolling through a dozen "Me too!" or "Yeah!" posts. Forum react buttons help, as do incorporating thanks, agreement, me-too, etc. into something that contributes clarity, information, or shared experience to the conversation as a whole.

  • Note the limitations of conveying context and emotions in a text-only forum. If you speak in the self-referential (I or we (body or subset of body folk)) it is much safer than if you use the general term "you" when talking about something. Someone may take it personally.
  • Off-topic should be limited and labeled such ("Off-Topic" or "OT") in the subject line. Members should avoid responding to OT posts on list. Try to take posts that are OT out of the group to discuss elsewhere as soon as possible by not replying at all or by replying offlist. It's ok if a portion of a post is OT as long as it's somehow on topic for the post in itself, but if you find yourself responding only to the offtopic portion of the post, try to take it offlist or to <suggest a related or general non-support-group chat space here>.
  • Please limit fluff posts on the list. Fluff should be labeled "Fluff:" or "--fluff" in the subject line. "Fluff" is non-serious posts which contain no actually useful content that contributes to the conversation or requires no support. Members should avoid responding publicly to 'fluff' posts. Fluff posts of a general enough nature for everyone to enjoy the joke are okay if they're not at anyone's expense, and when clearly labeled "fluff", but are not okay if they are so much an in-joke that very few people on the list will get it. If this is the case, write the joke to them privately and don't post in the shared space. If you like to make a lot of fluffy comments, it's suggested that you join <general/joke/meme non-support group/chat> and redirect the jokes & fluff there instead.
  • Don't respond to facilitator announcements in the group unless asked to or it requires immediate clarification. Respond as instructed or directly to the facilitator who posted, or facilitator group.
  • If need be, group guidelines can be discussed and revised with the whole group's feedback if enough people have a problem with them, but keep in mind that it will take a lot of group time and spoon resources to do so.

Safety Concerns

  • Confidentiality: everything said in the group stays in the group. It is a safe(r) space for discussing potentially sensitive information. Members who break confidentiality may be banned from the group.
  • Please disclose if you are a mandated reporter upon asking to be part of the group.

You're going to want to know. If the group members are Ok with that, then this may work. Otherwise you may not be able to grant them membership. A mandated reporter may have to report suspected abuse or suicidal intentions to law enforcement.

  • Privacy:
  • In a text-based forum, humor may fall flat, sarcasm may be lost or found at random. If you don't understand what someone is saying or you cannot take it at face-value or find yourself reading into it to interpret it, it is a good practice to stop before reacting to it, and ask for clarification. Assume that people do not mean what they have written as an attack.
  • No flaming is allowed. That is to say, no generic inflammatory comments that generalize about any group (on or off list) or that specifically target a member on the list. In addition, talking directly about people who are not on the list would be rude. It's best to talk only about yourself and your own experiences. You get two warnings for this, at facilitator discretion. In some cases, people will be unsubbed and banned immediately.

In other words, it's not ok to even talk about exclusionist communities or rant about various groups or other people's specific behaviors in themselves, but it's Ok to mention them if they're a part of a topic in need of support directly. Why? Because support group members who may have been (or may still be) a part of those communities, or who have those behaviors, etc. will be shamed into hiding it. This is not Ok.

  • No judgements, cruelty, harassment, etc. Judgements, cruelty, harassing, flames, etc. will not be tolerated. Gentle and respectful constructive criticism is welcome within those parameters. However note, this is not an encounter group. This list is intended for emotional support, suggestions, and camaraderie for beings experiencing many in one body. By no means are snide remarks, jibes, underhanded comments, backhanded 'compliments' or sarcasm directed at other group members and similar behavior allowed in the group, or relating to conversations in the group. If this happens in-group the facilitators reserve the right to immediately ban the member, otherwise may issue a warning. If the behavior happens off-group between members, the facilitators may warn and ban upon repeated behavior. Please share reports for bad behavior privately not to the group as a whole.

The controversial practice of T-groups/encounter groups ended in the 1980s when it became clear they were (now-terms) ableist and traumatizing for some people and thus counter-productive. They were never meant to be therapeutic for persons with trauma. cf. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T-groups

Content Warnings

Whether or not to trigger-warn, or splat sensitive words, may be a choice of venue. If there are spoilers available, if you can make it so sensitive content is "below the fold" or other options exist. This could be a per-group option, but if someone new joins it could shift the whole group culture. In all likelihood different levels of censure will attract different people.

CW - Content Warnings
A head's up as to what it contains below. Can just be the topic like is it PG, PG-13, etc. Usually similar to movie warnings and maybe a tag or topic heads up like "Cars - cursing".
TW - Trigger Warnings
Something ahead is likely triggering to some people. Topics like CSA descriptions, violence, etc. Sometimes it's hard to put a TW without using the very words that are triggering to describe it, so they can be unhelpful.
Splats
When someone puts asterisks or symbols inside potentially disturbing words, often covering up 1 or more vowels. This gives screen readers problems and can cause issues for people with visual processing or language processing difficulties.

See Also


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