This article is definitely a Stub. It's a ramble about how The Crisses self-identifies, and as a polyfragmented modular system with "covert" switching (even to themselves) it's not always easy to know who is Front. Other systems are quite certain who is Front. So this article is a ramble probably cut/pasted from an email post or private email and needs to be made article-worthy with a range of experiences.
We've been working on our self-awareness for years, ya kno? That started with self-work years and years ago. Being able to give litmus tests to ourselves to tell truths from falsities, excavation into our feelings, mindstates, etc. Analysis of all the different trains-of-thought bouncing around our head....
This naturally has brought us a twofold skill....our ability to tell other people's people apart from one another based on little clues and cues, and the ability to tell ourselves apart based on the same.
Sometimes someone else pointing out an identifying characteristic helps. Someone in here is an anxious person and one nervous habit that is often *owned by her* is knee/foot bouncing. She has other nervous habits. But we took a while to figure out who the knee-bounce belonged to...by correlation and process of elimination (not by assumption). Now, when our knee is bouncing often someone in our head (or outside it) goes "your knee is bouncing" and we go "why, well, it is....is X involved in Front right now?" we ask...often the answer is "Yes, here I am".
I don't know how to explain this better. :( :/
Read up on NLP...neurolinguistic programming. Some interesting stuff. Mainly the work is involved in the explicit manipulation of other people based on the overall messages you can glean from their tics and nervous habits...but there's more to it if you look deeper. Posture, nervous habits, etc. are all identifying traits of both character or individual thumbprints. I can tell who one person is at a given moment just by the way he walks, holds himself, whether his gaze is confident and devours the scene or nervous/shifty/insecure and hiding from being noticed. If he's self-absorbed he's neither of those. If he's so fluking self-effacing that it seems he has no ego nor insecurity either he's another person. If he's nearly invisible but not lacking confidence, he's another person. A glance, I tell you, is all it takes. It's not that easy with everyone in everyone...but it is that easy with one persons I know.
I'm not that hard, but I'm not that easy. There's more people in our head, for one....so within the variations of behavior this body can display, we express ourselves....I use my own voice, my choice of speech habits, my internalized repertoire of feelings available to me, my methods of processing information, my mood tendencies, and so on -- to tell us apart from one another. That's not to say that someone normally more on the pessimistic or depressive side is never happy but there's a tendency to "drag down" events to cast them in a darker or more pessimistic light...or someone else is so bloody easygoing, but still rough on the exterior (and comes with an accent LOL -- though not everyone hears it -- and she usually talks and sings in the lower frequencies we use mostly with the guys in our head too) to the point that people ask if we're angry....
But to take some of the more *difficult* folks in our head as examples -- that's probably best -- Eve, Hawthorn (the leg bouncer) and Ice (that's me, but I'm being a tad manic at this moment, so I'm babbling) are sometimes hard to tell apart. I think we've got the same vocal frequency range, for example. We're all about the same age (14-16ish) in development. We're all blatantly sexual creatures. We're all splits off the child that this body once claimed as it's owner (we think). Differences start after all that. Hawthorn is prone to anxiety, has recently overcome a constant suicidal streak, is sexually exceptionally submissive, and is somewhat depressive. I'm an overachiever, anal-retentive, sexually enthusiastic and playful, aggressive and angry at times, and toning down aggressive to assertive (self-work yay!). Eve is a gentle fawn, a peaceful healer spirit, and a shaman, sexually a gentle and passionate person, sexy and shy.
Eve is quiet when she is out, wide-eyed, observant, and stealthy. Hawthorn is nervous and often tries to hide somewhere. I'm usually distracted and busy. LOL
Anyone not observant can just tell one of the teens is out, probably, from our voice and the way we act. The other clues are necessary to tell WHICH teen-set person it is...
Some of the adults that frequently-front at the moment:
Aliessa is entirely self-possessed. She owns her body...our body is not her body but that makes absolutely no difference to her, it becomes her body for the interim...she's pretty amazing. She looks in the mirror and actually sees a pretty body and face looking back at her, and she just does magic wherever she goes. Eve is slowly aspiring to be more and more like Aliessa, if she shucks the shy streak. Aliessa knows exactly who she is and who she can be, and often she just IS that...she shifts slightly and she is a self-actualized being and she starts to glow, and this usually happens best when she's in love (with anything or anyone, which is quite often LOL). She has a good handle on her life-within-our-life. We know when she's out because she feels so entirely at-home in our body, even though she knows for certain it's not her body. It's weird. She's good at accepting things the way they are, but not as good at that as Taelee....she still rails at the occasional unfairness in life....Taelee doesn't bother...
Taelee is one of the older ones too, and she is also self-possessed, but where Aliessa makes us feel like a WOMAN, Taelee really feels so much more like a bipedal cat, and presumably it shows. She's more like flowing lava where Aliessa is like a hip-slinging sashay across the ballroom of life (and gently plucking the clinging admirers off with sympathetic deific grace). Taelee's maxim of "You're here. Deal." is a big lesson for us -- wherever she's gotten herself is where she is, and the way she got there is not as important as either changing it or accepting it. So we have her pitch-hit when we're in a spot that has someone too anxious or crawling over self-blame to fix a situation. She switches to front, rights the upset cup of milk, laps the milk up with a self-satisfied grin, licks her pointy teeth and scares the demons away, then goes back wherever it is she goes when she leaves out of body LOL. Taelee is entirely earthy, to an extreme. Very grounded -- and surprisingly magical although she'll swear-off any magical talent if asked LOL. Aliessa is all head-in-the-clouds, all above-things a great deal of the time -- she's a tree, she's above it all, but surprisingly resilient, surprisingly grounded but you only notice when there's a big storm that rips all the leaves off the canopy, or during the long cold winters. Otherwise you're too busy admiring her ample -- um -- foliage.
Almerissa is everything that people seem to think Taelee is. She IS angry. She has a lot of resentment, and isn't afraid to take it out on YOU. And she'll smile as sweet as rain and look innocent occasionally while hiding inside that she really couldn't give a crap less if you bleed all over the place and die, as long as you don't turn her icy white gown red. She's aloof. She is cold. She laughs when a lover says "I love you" entirely convinced that they don't know who they're talking to on the phone. We have to keep her away from pointy things, lest she hurt someone. Lots and lots of past life damage. No Mr. Pointy's for Alme. We keep her around and admire and love her because she keeps our head organized and keeps it on straight. And that's a good thing. She's the mistress of housekeeping. Comes with her own anal-retentive streak for keeping mental order. We had splitting headaches last week and she chased the person with the headache away and took front, the headache went away. Gods bless Alme! I think she's mostly responsible for our Associates degree, too....so with her to keep our head on straight, maybe I'll get us our Bachelor's. :)
It's easier to tell the guys apart when they're front. There's only 3 that have the genetalia to match (mind you it's uncomfortable feeling a penis and not owning one!). Mikki might as well be a monk or something, no sex drive. Elvair has eyes for one woman. Telre will screw anything of either gender if he can charm it long enough to get it to stand still. (shuddup, I'm
lotsa triggers, Telre needs to have a pen and paper nearby at all times lest the muse he worships comes to visit him when he's unprepared, and Mikki doesn't come out much at ALL, but he's all mystical and distant when he does. Seeing any of the menfolk is rare enough...Elvair has that tall-graceful-Sidhe thing on, and Telre is more like average-Joe (spent a lot of our youth growing up with the body in Bensonhurst and hanging out with the guys, he's got a Bensonhurst/Brooklyn accent) but with a bit of a flair and a penchant for a gay affect (puts on a ruse of being flagrantly bi/gay and being a fop occasionally, but that's his overdeveloped sense of humor showing). Elvair swallowed his sense of humor back in the days of war and famine in his past life :P (he stuck his tongue back out at me :) ).
Egads, I'm talking too much, I need to get back to statistics ;)
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