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Secrets can be important sometimes. It is not good that I am looking for an apartment with my family and that my son blurts out to my prospective landlord that his mom "makes six dollars an hour!" I am embarrassed, tell my son that it is not true (at the time I was making all of $10/hr! LOL) firmly in front of the other person and apologise for his rudeness. Afterwards, I explain to my son that my financial information is my business and that it should be kept a secret. I share it with him because he is in my family and I trust him, but it is no one else's business.

There are other secrets that are not appropriate. Information about ME is MINE and I should be the one who judges whether it is a secret or not, but someone else can't tell me what I can or cannot tell other people.

I have had lovers insist that whether we fought or what about was a secret. If I can't tell anyone, how do I know it is not abusive? I rely on friends and family to give me a reality check when there is something wrong going on. This is information about something that affects ME. The moment the fight is affecting me, I own part of the decision on whether or not it is a secret.

The same thing goes on with abuse around the world. "Don't tell Mommy -- it's our little secret." -- I wouldn't be surprised if that squicks a lot of people around these parts. "It is a secret and if you tell anyone I will do what I threatened you with." A secret should never be paired with a threat.

Secrets are a big trigger in communities built around abuse situations.

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