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Pride and Community vs. Shame and Stigma New

- 02/18/2020 by The Crisses

We have plenty reason for Plural Pride and for building both internal and external community, but it wasn't until Dr. Serenity Serseción presented about it (Healing Together conference, 2020, Orlando Florida) that we had words for why Pride is so important for all plurals regardless of what part of the umbrella they come from (and regardless of what precisely they have pride in, actually, so long as it informs confidence and reduces shame). Some of these reasons are contributing to divides in the community, where there could be more solidarity to the benefit of all.

So here's some bare-bones facts that we're likely all aware of but come into play here. They can be documented elsewhere, if needed.

  • Society has a whopping huge amount of stigma for having mental health troubles.1
  • Society has a lot of hang-ups about sex.2
  • Hence survivors of childhood sexual abuse have a hella lot of shame.3
  • Society somewhat recently realized and mobilized around children's rights to lead a life free of pain, abuse, and molestation (rights laws in the late 1960s enforced in the 1970s and 1980s in the US, with much of the world lagging behind or still waiting for their child rights revolution, despite the United Nations and their Children's Rights Convention (1989). 4
  • Thus it's not always direct to realize and especially admit to when you've been abused, before we even get to memory issues and amnesia.5
  • If you've been diagnosed with DID, odds are that you were traumatized in childhood, which could mean any of these factors are in play. Abuse is not needed to be DID, it can be trauma alone (such as medical trauma that happened amidst life-saving surgeries that saved you as a child, but still caused C-PTSD).6
  • Other factors that may increase shame or guilt include witness trauma New, religious trauma,

Thus many people with DID & plurals in general are carrying a load of shame. It's a lot of weight on top of other issues that come with C-PTSD and DID. It's especially prevalent if the plural system in question is aware of dysfunction, trauma, sexual abuse, and other factors that play into guilt and shame.

A major difference between people who talk about being plural and those who do not want anything to do with the label is shame.

Why?

Because many folk who have adopted the term "plural" ? regardless of diagnosis or system origins ? have pride in their being plural.

Pride is not "proud of what made us this way" ? it's not excusing abusers or perpetrators. It's not "this is easy!" either. Whether you have pride or not, C-PTSD is a total bitch and a half, and pride doesn't make the trauma go away.

What pride can do is help with the self-shaming and self-stigmatizing. It can help with selves-esteem. It can put some fingers into the dam and give you some of your spoons back ? the spoons you would have spent kicking the tires of your life and struggling with your circumstances rather than kicking butt on trauma, embracing your current circumstances or reality, and looking for ways to move ahead.

Over and over we hear people who do not have plural pride talk about how they hate DID, they want their headmates to go away, how much they want it all to stop, they want "their old life back" (usually meaning the denial phase where things go missing or show up, time is lost, people may call them by the wrong name, but they don't realize why all these things are happening and they don't have any idea that DID is present), and they resist the reality of what is going on. They want the magic eraser to come along and want nothing more than to be someone they're not (a singular person).

And that's Ok ? we're not trying to shame anyone here. We're pointing out what we're seeing going on out there. The fact is, we are seeing shame. We're not creating it ? the shame is there already.

Again, plurals with pride are not proud of trauma, of C-PTSD, of damage done to themselves or others. What they do have is a sense of "if you can't beat it, join it", of making the best of the situation (since therapy would take anywhere from 8-12 years to do anything about it and that's a long time to live with any issue and feel thoroughly out of control of your life), camaraderie love or compassion for their headmates, working as a group to the best of their ability, and perhaps a sense of adventure for discovery of both internal folk &/or digging up & exploring the mysteries of things they've forgotten.

There are angry folk who accuse plurals with pride of minimizing the hardships, of faking it, of making things up, etc. There's a lot of hostility and anger for people who have pride. When you're eyebrow deep in shame, when your all-consuming need is to become someone who doesn't have DID or C-PTSD, then yeah ? people who are like "Hey, I noticed another cool thing about our situation today?" can be infuriating. Why can't you have what they have? Well, there is the rub. You can. People having pride for being plural doesn't take your ability to be proud of being plural away.

...edit... New


Shanes Black Box-Draft New

- 09/23/2019 Attach:picture.jpg Δ

Names, associates, nicknames, links to related pages.

Vitals
Physical description, age, gender, etc.
Distinguishing Traits
How do we know they're around? How can we tell them apart from others?
Favorites
What does this person like, preferences, things that help them front, etc.

Missive ...edit... New


The Sapphic Bouquet New

- 09/09/2018

Our Wordpress Blog ...edit... New


Home Page-Draft New

- 04/09/2018 Hello! We're the Pyralis Collective, a fairly small plural family most likely of mixed origin. The overall system is traumagenic, with the first few system members besides our original showing up when the body was around 4 or 5 years old due to some combination of medical trauma, social isolation, emotional abuse, and possible other abuse.

Although we have no intention of seeking a diagnosis related to our multiplicity and are, frankly, rather unconcerned with labels, we most likely fit the criteria for OSDD1-b. We definitely experience dissociation, although it only sometimes causes us significant difficulty or distress, but we only rarely experience amnesia between fronters or noticeable time loss.

Many of our current members consider themselves traumagenic in origin, here because of or in order to deal with something we went through, however others consider themselves to have metaphysical or spiritual origins.

As of April 2018, the known members of the Pyralis collective are:

Morgan

Olivia

Calista

Harry

Callie

Adira

The twins (Cassiopeia and Desdemona)

Draco

Daphne

Will

Equius

Abbey ...edit... New


Developing A System Culture-Draft New

- 05/28/2017

These are different between fragments vs people, I would think. Like some of my people have different Totems, in a shamanic sense, and probably different zodiac signs, religions, morals, ethics, etc. We have different opinions on right vs. wrong depending on who you ask. As a group/system, we've come up with compromises and win-win situations that we all think are agreeable in general. It's not easy to do so, but any community needs to have a culture, which is a group's personality if you think about it: the group's attitude, judgements, allowances, behaviors, expectations, etc.

rituals, celebrations, history, goals, plans, hopes ...edit... New


The State Of The Memory Address-Draft

- 02/07/2014 Article on state-dependent memory. ...edit...


Running The Business Of Our Lives-Draft

- 02/07/2014 Article on how the inside of a multi's head is a house, and how all houses/families are a business in so far as they are organizations with certain ideals, cultures, personalities and resources available to work towards goals together. ...edit...


Stabilizing Switchiness-Draft

- 02/04/2014 Switchiness is a by-product of anxiety. Anxiety comes from dwelling in not-now. Inventing a fearful fantasy future, or living in fear of the past. If you are truly NOW, anxiety eases. And any type of love is the antidote to fear of any sort. Think of things you love right now. Get and give hugs. Take care of someone who needs help. Get a feather fishing rod and play with your kitty. Hug your doggy.

"Breathe deep and wiggle your toes." Wiggle your butt in a chair, stomp your feet, look for the color red in the room. Also try other mindfulness activities...art, crafts, puzzles, legos, cooking, etc. Anything that is going to bring your mind into the moment.

...edit...


Being OK With Being Different-Draft

- 02/04/2014 "Every person is unique." While this is fundamentally true, when your difference brings unwanted attention, ridicule, or any kind of exclusion or harm, you may find yourself wishing you weren't quite so unique.

Part of our unique stories is how we acquired our difference(s). ...edit...


Hello? Is there anybody in there?

- 02/04/2014 (:description :)

Article on non-co-conscious residents and holodeck/matrix, etc. via PTSD and instilling a paradigm shift?

If you decided to build in a communication mechanism to the holodeck, then using the holodeck to get through to non-co-conscious residents should also work.

USING the internal landscape on-purpose for reasons of self(ish) help.

...edit...


What did you say?

- 02/04/2014

Article on in-system translation and communication systems.

a system translator, how to create one, how to use the internal landscape to facilitate internal communication

communication barriers. How they look in your internal landscape.

Either you ask in your system if anyone can translate, or you create/build/craft (heck, think Minecraft if you must, whatever works!) something in your internal landscape to do the job. Our language filter is a construct/fragment whose sole purpose is to translate between folk in my head. You need something to translate if they don't all "speak the same language."

Our translator also translates external communications when someone inside is fronting for whom English is not their primary language or they don't communicate in English at all. ...edit...


Dissociative Identity Disorder Support-Draft

- 07/03/2013 ...edit...


Causes Of Dissociative Identity Disorder-Draft

- 07/03/2013 ...edit...


Treatment For Dissociative Identity Disorder-Draft

- 07/03/2013 ...edit...


Is Dissociative Identity Disorder Real-Draft

- 07/03/2013 ...edit...