Bringing Home the Bacon
July 13, 2011
Just as we play roles on the inside of the system, we also play roles outside the system.
All singletons play a variety of roles in the world, and itís no different for multiples. We can be parents, teachers, students, role-models, employees, volunteers, children (of our parents), friends, siblings, etc. When we find ourselves in different roles we show different aspects of our personality. In this way, everyone is a little multi, and if they donít keep to their roles, theyíre socially dysfunctional.
An example of someone who cannot keep to their roles in society is the husband who has a pretty secretary at work. When he plays doctor with her, he's treating her more like a wife or a girlfriend, not the way we expect the role of "Boss" to properly behave. He's crossing a role boundary.
Society also has sayings for this inappropriate crossing of role boundaries: "You're not my mother!" and "Who do you think you are?" are two accusations we use when we feel someone is behaving outside their acceptable role.
To be functional in the world outside our body, we need to determine which roles we take on in different situations and around different people, then determine whom in our internal family is best suited for specific individual roles.
We've had times where someone specific was assigned to our work role, while someone else was assigned to our mother role, and a small group may be assigned to our role as wife or girlfriend. These role assignments help us remember the right information in a given situation, help us remain aware of our social environment, and help us consciously monitor our personal behavior within that environment.
Note that there should be times when you're free to allow others to front. We're not trying to suppress people, we're trying to remain as a functional unit. If someone is itching for Front time, and they're following the house rules, you should specifically look for opportunities for them to appropriately express themselves.
Hold a meeting and discuss whether you need to explicitly address your roles, and whether anyone has something they're really wanting to do. You might add concert pianist to your role list, if that's how they really wish to express themselves.