Don't Snoop in my Diary! Part I
June 22, 2011
Related Podcast: System Trust Issues: Compromising Trust (013) New (i.e. breaking trust)
I know I've mentioned how important it is to build trust before, but I want to spend more time addressing this issue both on the shorter-term level (in Part I), and on the deeper much more chaotic level (in Part II).
Hopefully as you have been working with United Front you have been taking all the lessons to-heart. Your behavior and respect with regard to the others you live with makes a big difference in how they will trust you and the system in general. It's also important to make rules and regulations that respect those unable or unwilling to vote or attend meetings. If people feel like there was an attempt to represent them, trust might be a little easier.
Part and parcel with trust is not to poke into the so-called internal affairs of your companions. Build trust, and they may share that information with you. "Intellectual property" is more difficult to manage as the internal barriers are thinned and there's more internal conversation and commerce. So you should be more careful than ever with the information you know about each other, with being deliberately intrusive into each others' business, and with regard to whom you talk to about one another.
Here's an example: Let's say you have a preliminary headmap, and you're going to see a new therapist. If you think you'd like to share your headmap with the therapist, that's something that you really should consult with everyone at a meeting about. Why? You have not all established trust and rapport with the therapist. Even though you may like them and have met them a couple times doesn't mean everyone is ready to be "outed" to this new person. Some may want to hang back and observe before this new potential ally is trusted completely. And in terms of internal security, this could be quite valid. So you might not reveal a whole headmap to someone new, and whom to reveal could be a topic at the meeting. Perhaps a few guardians or protectors want to be kept off the list. Something this simple can help the security of your system, and a few weeks later, they may slowly add themselves to the "approved to talk about to this guy" list.
Err on the side of caution. You earn more respect for being conservative than being reckless. And you put yourself on the side of those-who-are-not-Front then maybe they'll be better able to control themselves in kind later. Everyone deserves some privacy. Try it out.