Crisses on Cording
Content Warning: Cording is a spiritual concept and may be a lens difference between psychology and new age-y or spiritual concepts coming in somewhere around imprinting, oxytocin bonds, Stockholm syndrome, mirror neuron networks, and other researched and recognized emotional and social ties between people — both positive and negative.
This may seem a little "woo-woo". You don't have to believe in this idea, but I highly recommend you read on, because I've had some interesting things happen regarding links. Even if I imagined everything, the therapeutic benefits are enormous and can cut down on lots of confusion and pain regarding physical triggers and other issues that usually impact therapy for multiples and other persons who have experienced extreme trauma.
- any non-physical semi-permanent energetic connection between people (mental, psychic, emotional, spiritual). Linking is to create a link.
- any links with negative connotations. Cording is to create cords.
- links with positive connotations. Bonding is to create bonds.
- asserting a link
- any attempt to use a link connection to influence others -- assumes that the link exists already.
You will find other articles and communities that swap around this terminology or introduce other terms. These definitions pertain only to this article.
Why do we link? People long ago developed energetic connection to those that we care about, and sometimes we require energetic links to those we need to stay away from. From the evolutionary perspective it makes sense. And if you're willing to go to the spiritual or religious levels, it still makes sense. We are a social species. We survive based on living in groups, sharing resources, inventions, protection, food and shelter. We have, in one sense or another, developed a way to keep connected even when we're not within sight or earshot of each other.
Have you ever heard the expression in English of "Keeping tabs on someone"? The link allows you to monitor or observe the other person when they are outside the line of sight. Whether or not the information we get through these links is consciously accessible, or merely unknowable and intuitive, this is the skill mothers use to sense when something is wrong with a child, that parting lovers use to make sure that they "stay in touch" and that allows you to "keep an eye" on someone who you dislike or to "send a parting shot" at your ex after a bad break-up. This is the origin of both "the evil eye" and having someone "watch over you." It's also when someone "gets under your skin."
Ok, so this is what we say when there are links involved between people. But what is the benefit of the link to the people involved?
Links allow people to bypass each other's boundaries and directly affect them. They can be limited in the scope of effect, change over time, or even eventually fade away and disappear.
If the wrong person says "I love you," your boundaries may say "Run and hide." But when your mother says it, everything is OK with the world, and when your child says it, it warms your heart, and when your lover says it, your heart melts. Or these would be normal reactions and examples of normal healthy links -- these would be examples of bonds, essentially these are links being used for good reasons.
Links that are normally beneficial can be problematic at times without warranting the term "cords." A link between mother and child is why the mother's normal boundaries don't matter when the child gets angry and screams "I hate you!" It hurts. If someone else's child screamed "I hate you!" at the woman, there wouldn't be the same effect. There's a fully functioning mature boundary and she might think "That's a very angry child!" And this is why it hurts so deeply when the mother says "I'm disappointed in you." to her child, where if a stranger on the street said the same thing it would just be confusing.
I know this may also be explained through psychology in complicated terms, but again, just stick with this paradigm for a while. It's been around far longer than psychology. It's probably been around longer than civilization, and because of that there are ways of using this idea to treat some very deep and troubling problems.
If you simply picture links as connections between people, like computer cables plugged into sockets on our body, you can get a very clear idea of what this paradigm looks like to the mind's eye.
The anatomy of a link: there are connection points on our own psychic bodies, the connectors on the ends of the link, and the long cable between.
Both ends connect. That means that both parties connect the cable that runs between them. This is important. It's very difficult to force a link on someone. You offer a link, they accept it. You can trick people into it, and in some cases your culture may obligate you to accept links. If you are under extreme psychic attack it may be possible to have a link forced on you -- but it only remains if you allow it to, you forget to remove it, or you are under constraints to keep it by culture or your own belief of helplessness.
If you can get a sense of what part of your body the links connect to, you can get a great sense for what types of influence they may have on you.
Normal social interactions allow links to be made all the time, both bonds & cords. The conscious acts that veil linking are seen as normal. We shake hands, kiss hello and goodbye, ask questions, and dozens of other normal everyday social conventions. This is not normally a problem, our boundary system prevents most links of any permanent nature, depending on the nature of the relationships in question. It's when either our own boundary system is damaged, or weakened, or we don't do periodic cleanings that these usually innocent interactions can cause us to take on too many links.
I'll go into the effect of having too many links later in the article.
"Cording" refers to the act of someone attempting to create or receive negative, non-consensual links. Most cords I've seen and experienced come from normal links or bonds gone bad.
When cording takes place, emotional and spiritual boundaries are being violated by a strong energetic initiative to create a semi-permanent connection. Persons who create cords are performing an act of emotional violation, although usually unintentionally. Cords allow people to walk all over us, or prompt us to do things 'to be nice' to the person in question even when we're basically uncomfortable with doing the act. When a cord is being used, in all likelihood there's a boundary violation going on. If you can't tell why someone's presence nearby bothers you, and you can't put a finger on what they're doing wrong, then maybe they're unconsciously attempting to connect or assert a cord. They may consciously perceive what they're doing as attempting to make a friendly connection with you (note "make a connection"), or trying to get to know you better. You may perceive it as someone who is in your personal space, someone who is annoying, someone repulsive.
Some physical and mental issues can be traced to old links or cords that have not been properly dealt with from your own past, and some forms of performing a cleansing on oneself includes removing such cords. For instance, you might have unwanted cords from teachers, lost friends, your parents, or old lovers where the relationships have gone sour. Before taking care of one's delinquent cords, one should examine oneself closely for the variety of cords you have, and take note of the ones *You* initiated (some are formed by both sides, as well).
You may find that problem persons or people with whom you had a complicated relationship leave multiple cords in various areas of your body. If you were abused, you will probably find the areas of the body related to the abuse have cords from the abuser--or the chakras that are related. Examine each chakra carefully, determine whether or not the cord is serving a healthy or unhealthy end, maybe even figure out where the other end is attached.
Responsibility for Cording
It is not called for to confront people about cording, because when it all boils down to it, both parties are responsible. Most links are started off during a period of goodwill and trust, as energetic connections between people. Once a single initial link is implanted, it's easier to form more connections and more likely that they will be accepted due to the influence of one person upon the other. If there is a gentle link between people (which is a normal social convention, and not always used in malevolent ways) it can be used in a persuasive or convincing manner to urge someone to accept deeper connections.
This is not usually conscious, and one usually doesn't receive cords unless you willingly accept the link in the first place; it's very difficult to attach energetic links to someone who is entirely aware and unwilling. Thus it's possible that no one is to blame when there are cords placed on someone, it is a shared responsibility of both parties to maintain the goodwill or to dissolve the bonds when the relationship no longer warrants the connection.
On some rare occasions, someone has specifically had training in creating cords either through excessive manipulation or by brute force of some type. An example could be people involved in a cult situation, where they use some very convincing methods to separate you from healthy influences in your life and replace your family. They may not use the same ideas, but the effect of what I'm saying is the same. They convince you in any way possible to make attachments to them and replace the attachments you have to your family. And they specifically look for people with unhealthy relationships and weak or broken boundaries.
The necessity of links/bonds
It is quite likely that people receive energetic bonds from childhood onwards, and in fact it may not be healthy if one didn't do so from birth. Energetic links are a conduit for spiritual and emotional nurturing, similar to the umbilical cord which is used to feed the fetus in the womb. When a person receives love and nurturing from someone that they trust, it is usually possible to tell exactly where the cords are in their body. Butterflies in the stomach, a warm feeling in the heart area, and so on, can be signals that there's already an energetic bond in place. It is probably mutually formed, as well.
Multiple cording and health issues
Accepting cords from childhood can create a habit of leaving one's defenses lowered to new attempts to create cords. If you're only accustomed to cords, you're more likely to mistake these cords as being bonds, and you might be reluctant to remove them even if they're causing health issues.
Excessive links can sometimes create a scenario where your energy system is overwhelmed, such as the temporary links one might get from interacting with many people at a party. The effects usually wear off pretty quickly, as the temporary links fade. But if you either hold on to the links and won't let go, or if you have too many cords, you can find yourself drained of resources and energy, complicating your life, and making it very difficult to differentiate your own emotions from those of someone else.
Obligations can also create cords. An example may be engaging in too much volunteer work. Many of your commitments are social constructs, and people are behind them. You may create a link of your own back to the social group you are committed to.
Bonds gone Bad
A good energetic link between two people (bond) can become a cord if the relationship sours. It is recommended that one actively perform a cord removal ritual to make sure that there are no additional vulnerabilities to the person that you are no longer on good terms with. More about cord removal is below.
The biggest problem with cording for most people will be when an established link or bond sours into a malign cord. Either or both party may be sending negative energy back along the cord, or syphoning positive energies from the other party. Letting go of the cord feels like letting go of everything good about the relationship, letting go of the warm loving feelings one used to receive through the healthy relationship bonds -- but this is an unfounded fear and unhealthy attachment if the relationship should be over.
When there is significant ill-will between parties after a breakup, or if the breakup itself was nasty, if either party is manipulating the other, etc. then the bonds between them should be released, whether initiated by one or both parties.
Decording Rituals & Methods
There are many ways to remove psychic links that are no longer desired. Some well recognized cleansing rituals and symbolic acts of release work to remove cords. One can, however, do it more directly.
If you have a good eye for aura energies, you can probably locate the cords that are left on your body by sight or feel. The easiest thing to try, for an unskilled lay person, is thinking about the person that you wish to distance yourself from and pay attention to how you feel when you think about them. Do you get any uncomfortable sensations or physical twinges? For example, does thinking about someone make your skin crawl, cause a knot in your stomach, or give you a stabbing headache? If you have a particular sensation when you think about interacting with someone, it might be a big clue to whether or not you have undesired cords from that person or not, and where you might find some of them.
We have no power to dissolve the connector on the other end of a link, that's attached to the other person. As you read through the methods, take note of the Huna method's power send notification without needing to verbally talk to someone. If you give notification to the other party, at least they will know on some level that there's an empty connector to take care of. Their Higher Self, their subconscious, or their other defenses and boundary system can naturally take care of the loose connection.
There's a good article on this method: Huna ritual for releasing cords. The one change I would suggest is not to "cut" the cords: leaving "loose ends" can allow other connections to join up more easily and doesn't do anything to heal your boundary system. Dangling conduits on either end can fester or attach to a new person. The nice part of the Huna ritual is the preparation, and asking the other party's Higher Self for forgiveness. This helps you feel more comfortable detaching the cord, and gives a level of awareness to the other party that you're finally handling it, and not going to accept any more negative connections ? but you're not doing it to hurt them.
Diane Mariechild's Method
- From Mother Wit by Diane Mariechild
- Removing Cords. To clear your energy and have it flowing smoothly and uninterruptedly, remove the cords. To do this, relax, deepen and protect yourself. Visualize the chakras one at a time and notice if there are any cords there. If there are and you wish to remove them, imagine that you are gently unplugging them. After you have removed all the cords, fill your chakras with light so they won't be left empty.
I have some supplementary information to go with this method:
- I don't just hunt for cords in my chakras. I examine my entire energy body for cords. I have found that cords are not restricted to the major chakras. I think they're related to poor boundary defenses. Various areas of our natural defense system can be vulnerable, through having poor role-models on how to build and defend boundaries, or or someone broke our defenses down. In any case, cords may be found in places other than the major chakras.
- I personally picture links like a cross between snakes and power cords. Go with whatever imagery works for you.
- There is a person on the other end of a link or cord. Take responsibility for opening your end of the connection. I like to bless my end of the cord when I unplug it, wishing no harm to the person on the other end. You may want to send them a blessing to plug their end of the link.
- Fill all connection points after you remove a cord with positive healing energies (by visualizing healing white light, using Reiki healing energy, using a healing salve, etc.). There may be lingering negative energies from the old connections. A really good cleansing ritual will help. Smudging, symbolic bathing while visualizing healing energy, etc.
Methods of Filling Up Empty Spaces
In decording, you are removing something. Something will fill it eventually, whether it's something good that y'all choose, or something comes knocking on your boundaries or slips inside a broken boundary with or without your conscious knowing.
So practitioners of these methods strongly recommend filling these voids — broken boundaries, and gaps in your own energetic/emotional essence — with desirable things.
We highly recommend this article for one choice for laypeople to fill these spaces with: Emotional Fragment Recovery New. This is a plural method for recovering lost/stuck emotional entities such as spiritual essence, or system fragments that have been repressed or dislodged and dissociated away. By recovering lost parts of oneself with this method, you can heal boundaries, recover emotional range that was previously suppressed, and potentially help headmates become more whole in themselves, facilitating them becoming coconscious or co-aware, coming into the Here & Now, or stabilizing as individual system members.
Multiples and Cording
Multiples should keep in mind that while they might have one subtle layer or energetic body that everyone shares, it's not always the case. Each person in the system might have to check themselves for cords and take appropriate steps to remove them. If you have a well-developed internal landscape, then I recommend checking one another using something similar to the shamanic methods (at the bottom of this article). Go over each willing person's energy system and perform a decording.
Actually this is one of my favorites, but I suggest this for more advanced decording/delinking after you've gotten the hang of it. I periodically remove ALL links from my system. There's a momentary beauty in austerity, and most especially the knowledge that I can fully examine my boundaries, tinker with protections, and then accept any and all desirable connections once again, even by exerting myself to link with others in a healthy safe way and take full conscious responsibility for every connection I make and accept.
If I do this, I usually send a little notification down the link saying something like "Hey, I'll be right back." I don't want to scare anyone, I just want to do a thorough cleaning. Once you remove a few big links, you might find some sneaky cords hiding behind them.
The darker side of empathy
When someone uses dark forces to exert influence on you, to create energetic enslavement or force their will on you, they are using the darker side of empathy and this is exceptionally manipulative, even dangerous.
People with empathy generally have the ability to form deliberate sometimes conscious links with other persons. Generally, they reach out an empathic 'limb' and sink a hook into the other person, thus forming something like an energetic umbilical cord from one to the other.
When done consensually and in full awareness, having a link with another person can be enjoyable enough an experience. When done without a person's knowledge or consent, or for the wrong reasons, it can bleed off their energies, feed them with negative energies, and essentially the empath becomes a leech of the other person.
Some empaths do this accidentally. Some do it fully consciously...and there's a range in between.
Some folks only shuttle good energies back & forth over such links and are skilled enough to filter out bad energies regardless of the direction of the flow. And in its darker uses, some folks might filter so that only negative energies get shuttled across, such as to one's enemies, or after a break up with someone.
There's always the question of intent. After a breakup a normal girlfriend will have links to their boyfriend. After a nasty breakup, both parties may have poor intentions towards each other and cause a feedback loop of negativity across the link that has now become an undesirable cord. Neither one is able to move on because of the energy drain they've mutually created, but it wasn't deliberate.
Others will use this dark empathy to deliberately feed off the energies of others. Just for a moment we might consider this a type of psychic or energetic vampirism -- and a judgement call can be made based on whether the energy donor is willing or unwilling, and whether the "attacker" did so deliberately. Deciding whether any particular cord or link is healthy is beyond our scope here, hopefully I've given you enough hints and ideas to take care of yourself.
For more information, see also:
- Soul Retrieval (article by Crisses at Otherkin.net)
- Mother Wit by Diane Mariechild
- Huna ritual for releasing cords
Shamanic decording - Advanced
One can learn shamanic methodologies, or one can seek out a shamanic practitioner. The terminology that deals with decording, in (Michael) Harner-Method terminology is "Shamanic Extraction." You may want to follow an extraction with a Soul Retrieval but it requires rather advanced shamanic practitioners, with a higher level of training, to perform these properly. Here's an overview of an extraction, so that you can tell if the practitioner performing it knows what they're doing:
- The practitioner will have you "ground", you will probably be laying in the middle of a prepared space.
- They will prepare the ritual space. They may have a live drummer or use a tape, or they may be experienced enough to be able to achieve trance states without such. The point is they will go through a non-physical preparation of the space -- whether simply expanding energies into the space, or chanting, dancing, shaking their rattle, singing, etc. During this phase, they will be calling their spirit helpers. People who are energy-sensitive should sense the increase in energy and tension, and may experience the presence of the helpers.
- When ready, the practitioner will examine your non-physical body. They may run their hands through your aura, they may look at you, etc. When they find pockets of negative energies, they will remove it. Removal can be quite odd. They will tug, pull, scoop, rattle, blow, suck, etc. until they have the energy bundle. Then they must relieve themself of the unwanted energy. In shamanic terms, water is the preferred mechanism of removal. They will throw the negative "gunk" into a lake, a pond, a pot or bowl of water, the sea, etc. If there is no water nearby, the practitioner may hold the energy (a very very dangerous proposition) until a time that they can extract it from themself into the waters. This can make the practitioner ill. If you talk to the practitioner about what they are going to do during the ritual, check with them about what they plan to do with the extracted energies, and make sure it satisfies both of you that the energies will be neutralized. Water may not be the only neutralizing substance or method, and this may vary depending on the school of shamanism that the practitioner you choose adheres to, or what their Totem or spirit helpers prefer or suggest. Sometimes it may be spontaneous, or dependent on the energies extracted. My personal preferred method is to release it back into Source energy -- the energy from which everything has come and to which everything returns.
- The practitioner then must help fill the voids that are left behind with good or neutral energies. This is where the Soul Retrieval can come in handy (in the theory that you must be missing parts of yourself if you can accept these energies into you), or they can pour neutral or positive energies into the voids. If the voids are left vacant, something will fill them, and it might very well lead right back to cords from the same parties or from new parties, being re-implanted.
- The practitioner will close the ritual space, thank their helpers, and come out of their trance-state, returning more fully to the physical world, and let you know when they are done, ask you how you are feeling, and probably give you some advice, or a recounting of the things they saw in the spirit world while performing the extraction (&/or retrieval).