Female succubus, when discovered in 2000 she was at 8-12 years old. Currently 14-16ish. Shorter than our body, and much lighter than it.
Soft leathery skin, bat wings, forked tail, horns. A slight and small underage succubus, a little on the melancholic side at times, although she has a mischevious streak. Playful, high sex drive, usually quite straightforward and blunt but also has a streak of heavy sarcastic bite when angry. Naieve, witty, playful, spirited, lusty, forthcoming and honest, occasionally brooding and distant.
Song: Witness by Sarah McLachlan. We used to think of Isabeau when we heard Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd or Rainbow in the Dark by Dio.
I've done a lot of work on myself in the last couple years, both with the help of the Heidi construct, and with the help of a few friends, and just dealing with life being the front of the body and having to deal with accessing body-memories and talking to other residents of the body. Things are going much better now. I've even had some very clear feelings about what it is that I am, and some of my past(life?) experiences.
I seem to have a lot of the body-life baggage from dealing with our father, which makes a lot of sense if you're us. *Smiles* Still have a lot of work to do. But I've aged, somewhat (I'm about 15 now), and I'm in (self-appointed) charge of a bunch of things. Like training for bike tours, computer programming (I've replaced Erin in that capacity) and getting our butt into school and working on our degree. I'm a busy bee now. People are quite happy with me, and I feel really loved. It's great. *Smiles*
Old entries for Ice
Ice is now usually a part of the Heidi construct, and as such is far more functional and co-aware than she was previously. Ice still occasionally fully takes over Front and exhibits self- and system-destructive behaviors, unlike Hawthorn and Eve, who rarely take Front as individuals anymore. The incidence of Ice doing so have gradually diminished over the last 6 months (11-6-01 update). Her level of coawareness has risen appreciably, but she's still not stable and not 100% functional within the system.
Ice is a child split of the body-spirit whom is still suffering from intense baggage due to childhood abuse. Ice is not well-known so far. She is the numb personality. She has a difficult time thinking, moving, talking, listening to instructions from others, caring for herself and her safety, feeling, etc. We call her Ice because she's 'frozen'. She's often triggered to front when we're being yelled at (or percieve that we are). She's highly unapproachable, untouchable. When she's feeling particularly young, she generally curls up in a fetal position. She gives rote answers, doesn't use eye contact, will answer whatever it is she thinks is necessary to get out of the spotlight. She often gets caught up in mental loops, unable to free herself from chains of destructive thinking.
Ice is probably the person in here with the hypercritical thoughtstream, evaluating what the body/mind does/says without actually acknowledging the Others in here, and always noting what we're doing wrong and how we look to others, and how uncomfortable things are.
Come to think of it, Ice doesn't much acknowledge the existance of people outside the body either. I believe she might be stuck in thinking that the whole world is out to harm/get her.
She's very hurt and dysfunctional and probably is quite stuck that way. It will likely take a lot of work for us to communicate with Ice and work on her problems. We're recently uncovering some of Ice's poetry, which is generally stuff which talks about being numb, frozen, unmoving, uncaring, etc.
Isabeau has strong emotional recollections of standing in the doorway of our apartment and crying hysterically when friends of our parental units were leaving, calling after them, "No, you can't go. Don't leave me. I need you." but we haven't determined whether they're her own memories or she is close to someone else who remembers it. It feels like 4 or 5 years old, but then we're not picturing the right hallway.